Safeguard
by taylortot
Summary: After Roy is called to help catch a murderer, he becomes injured and loses his memory, including the secrets of Flame Alchemy. While hiding undercover in his delicate state, Riza takes it upon herself to reteach Mustang all that he's forgotten, but some things will never be the same. Rated M as of Chapter 6. Sort of AU.
1. Prologue

**Hey lovelies! I have a new story idea, and if I get positive feedback, I'm thinking I'd like to continue it! This is eventually going to be very Royai and might get up into the M rating, but we'll keep it safe for now. This is also supposed to be pretty AU, but I'm going to try my best to keep the characters in character! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA but I do own the plot!**

**/**

**Prologue**

It was involuntary. He didn't mean to let the air rush from his lungs in a mournful sigh whenever a new stack of paperwork was placed on his desk. Of course not; that would be unprofessional and Colonel Roy Mustang was nothing if not professional.

Nah, who was he kidding? He could barely keep his eyes open at work fifty percent of the time and the other fifty was spent trying to restrain himself from doodling alchemic notes on the edges of the files he reviewed and signed on. It wasn't his fault that the work here was so monotonous; he thought things would change when he got his promotion to colonel a couple months ago.

Yeah, a promotion to boredom. Whoopee.

"Damn it, Hawkeye, where in the hell did that stack come from? I thought this was the last one." Roy flourished at the couple unfinished files he'd been working on with a little too much heat and irritation. He tightened his hand around the pen and slammed the fist against the desk, looking up at her from his chair.

Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye propped her hands on her hips. While her voice was full of disapproval, her face betrayed nothing. "You should have listened when I told you we had one more to go, sir. It might be helpful to keep your eyes and ears open on the job, just for future references."

"You didn't say a word," he insisted with childish bitterness as he reached for a new stack of papers and placed some finished ones on a growing pile in the opposite corner of his desk. If only it wasn't the end of a week; he was just looking forward to his date tonight and sleeping in tomorrow morning. Realizing that he might not get his paperwork done before office hours were over terrified him because if there's anything he hated it was staying late on a Friday.

"She did, Colonel," Jean Havoc piped up from his own workspace outside of Roy's office. "Right after I mentioned it to you. Twice."

Roy didn't even spare his subordinate a glance as he flicked his pen back into place and went to work on the remaining files. "Shut up, Havoc, no one asked you."

"Yikes, who shoved the stick up his butt this morning?" Breda stage-whispered, clearly intending for Mustang to hear his remark. The man smirked at Havoc, who returned the expression. The boss made it too easy for them to frustrate him.

"Probably some fifty-two year old man with a weight problem," Havoc replied in much the same voice.

"That would explain why he's being so anal."

Even Fuery and Falman had a hard time keeping a straight face after that last comment, and chimed in laughing much harder than Riza thought necessary. She didn't usually mind being the only woman in the office; in fact she took pride in it until the men forgot that she actually _was_ a woman. _Men_, she thought with an eye roll as she headed back to her desk. As much as she liked her job, the weekend would be a welcome reprieve from this.

Roy's hand was moving diligently across papers now, making Riza doubt that he was even taking the time to read them over. She wouldn't scold him now; he'd probably get a phone call on Monday asking about the papers and he wouldn't be able to answer them correctly. It would serve him right.

"Very funny, you two," he said. "You know what else would be funny? If I decommissioned both your asses and sent you back down to military police."

"Oh no," Breda cried. "I'm sorry Colonel; just don't make me go back there!"

"The secretaries aren't nearly as pretty!" Havoc chimed in desperately.

Riza sighed and pushed away from her desk, looking up at the clock. They only had about ten minutes left in the day, but she was finished with her side of things and decided to start cleaning up. Breda and Havoc carried on with their pleading as Mustang ignored them, his pen moving rapidly across the papers. She looked toward Falman and Fuery who seemed to be the only ones not getting on her nerves today and gave them a short nod.

"You two can start heading out," she said. "Thank you for your _hard work_ today." She emphasized the last sentence to see if it worked at all, but she was ignored by the three men it was directed at. Of course, the small twitch at Roy's mouth went unnoticed by all. Her face might be all steel, but underneath that mask she was even more fiery than he was.

"Gee, thanks, Lieutenant!" Fuery grinned as he went for his coat.

She nodded at both men and turned back to the countertop where she began wiping up coffee stains and rinsing the half-drunk mugs of the brown bitter liquid down the sink.

"See you Monday, boys," Falman called good-naturedly as he made a beeline for the door, Fuery on his heels. "Colonel."

Roy waved both of them off; normally he'd disagree with Hawkeye for dismissing his subordinates, but she had a bit of a point and he knew most of it was to take a dig at Havoc and Breda, not himself. At least, that's what he told himself. It was hard to tell for sure because she merely continued on with washing the coffee counter and pretended like she was the only one around.

"What about us?" Breda asked, finally content that Roy wasn't going to remove them from his team. Not that he ever would have done that in the first place.

Mustang made another flourish with his pen and leaned back in his chair with a sigh. "Yes, you are both dismissed. Try not to do anything stupid this weekend."

Once both of them were gone, their profuse choruses of good behavior ringing behind them, Riza rung out the wash rag and draped it over the sink facet. Her shoulders relaxed with the silence, the only sound in the room the scratching of a pen. It was always easier to be around the Colonel when it was just them-she'd never been more comfortable around anyone else.

"You're free to go as well, Lieutenant," he said, his voice piercing the quiet.

She glanced over her shoulder to see him working maybe a little too quickly. The corner of her lips trembled as she fought a smile. "Thank you, sir, but I can't do my job if I leave before you."

He stopped for a moment and looked up at her as she walked toward his desk. "You've done your job. Go relax, Hawkeye." His voice betrayed his slight confusion-if anything, she was the one to get her job done best in the office. He didn't even want to think about the state of his workplace if she wasn't there to keep them all on track.

Riza opened her mouth to say that her job as his bodyguard didn't apply to regular office hours when Maes Hughes barged into the room without so much as a knock. She spun around on her heel to face him as his loud voice preceded his presence, his military jacket unbuttoned; glasses slipping down his angular nose.

"Roy boy! Oh man do I have some fantastic news for you!"

Out of the corner of her eye, Riza saw Roy slide down in his chair as irritation dropped onto his expression immediately. "Oh for the love of God," he muttered. She raised her hand and pretended to cough in order to hide the snicker that tickled at her throat. "What is it, Hughes?" He looked up at Maes as the man came to a stop in front of the desk and slammed his palms on it face down.

"Guess!"

"Hughes, I'm not guessing."

"Aw, c'mon, Roy! Guess!"

Riza saw the vein begin to bulge and pulse in Roy's forehead as his eyebrows got even more severe in their downward slope. It amazed her that Maes could remain subjective to his sour moods and seeing their interactions was one of the few things that always humored her. Roy may have put up a good front of irritation, but it was so easy to tell that he enjoyed Maes' company.

"No."

"Gue-."

"DAMN IT, HUGHES, JUST TELL ME."

Maes' neck shortened and he looked at Roy with wide eyes before he pouted slightly and leaned back on his heels. The Colonel sat there with flared nostrils his eyes darting briefly to his gloves where they sat at the edge of his desk. Riza coughed again and bit back a grin as Maes looked to her.

"What's got his boxers in a twist?" he asked as if Roy wasn't sitting right in front of them.

"He's just being lazy about paperwork, and he's been like this all day," she replied unabashedly. It was after office hours, after all.

"I am not and I have not," Roy said bitterly, his eyebrows twitching slightly. Riza felt a little twinge of regret; since coming back from Ishval and moving up the ranks, Roy had been under a lot more pressure than she thought he could handle sometimes. He was the youngest highest ranking officer in the Amestris military and his superiors expected great things from him. She didn't know how to help him or even if she could.

Maes leaned in close to Riza and whispered sideways at her. "Could've fooled me."

She smiled as Roy heaved a sigh and stood. "Maes, I still have work to do and a date to make. What fantastic news do you have?"

His friend smiled widely and automatically before doing a twirl and clasping his hands in front of him dramatically. "Oh, Roy, I thought you'd never ask! Last night I took Gracia out to dinner and we've finally agreed to tie the knot!"

All the agitation drained from Roy's face and even Riza looked on in surprise. "You're getting married?" Roy asked, the beginnings of a smile curling at his mouth. "You finally asked her?"

Hughes nodded enthusiastically and jumped from excitement. "YES! You know how nervous I was, but I knew that _my_ Gracia loved me and that she would never turn me down so I was worried for no reason at all really! You should have seen the way her eyes sparkled in the candlelight, I've never seen anything more beautiful in my life! And she's mine! Can you believe that?!"

Roy held out his hand and grinned as Maes took it and shook vigorously. "Congratulations, Maes!"

Riza also exchanged a timid handshake with him, feeling slightly awkward for intruding on this moment between the two best friends. While she knew Roy inside and out, she knew next to nothing of Maes except that he was very loyal and extremely enthusiastic. She was happy that Roy had someone like him and vice versa. "I'm happy for you," she told Maes genuinely.

"Goodness, don't have to tell me twice! I'm happy for me too!" he crowed, slapping her on the shoulder.

"When's the big day?" Roy asked. Riza was pleased to note that his shoulders were lax as he smiled at his friend.

"In about a month!"

"A month!?"

Hughes laughed at the expressions on their faces. "We didn't want to wait!" He walked around and put an arm around Riza and Roy both, squeezing them tightly and a little uncomfortably. "You two will be in the wedding party, of course! Roy, you'll be my best man."

Riza reeled as Maes released her. He wanted her to be in his wedding party? But she didn't even know him that well! A blush crept up on her even as she tried to keep it down but she had to admit that she was flattered and honored that this man and his fiance wanted her to be there on their special day.

Roy, on the other hand, grinned widely. "Of course. I'd turn you to ashes if you asked anyone else." No one could be sure if he was joking or not, but Riza thought he might be. She had most of his gloves under lock and key anyway, because she couldn't trust him not to lose them. They were just a little bit vital to his career and title as the Flame Alchemist, whether he remembered that or not.

"Super!" Maes exclaimed. "We'd love to have you both for supper tomorrow night if you didn't have any plans." She couldn't wrap her mind around his happiness and didn't think she'd ever felt such an overflowing joy like the one this man was displaying. Of course, Maes was a bit of an extremist, but watching him split his face apart with a smile that wide made her feel like she was missing out.

"I'll be there," Roy said generously. It'd been a while since he'd seen Gracia anyway, and he wanted to offer his congratulations personally. She was a lovely woman, and while he didn't understand her attraction to a clown like Maes, the man deserved her one-hundred and ten percent.

Riza hesitated. "Are you sure?" she asked Hughes feeling far too vulnerable. This was all new territory for her, how was she supposed to handle a dinner and a wedding invite all on the same weekend? She wanted to laugh at herself-Riza Hawkeye: could shoot a man through the head without a second thought, but invite her to dinner and she's guaranteed to freeze up.

She felt rather than saw Roy's eyes dart at her as Maes' mouth dropped into an "o" shape. "Of course I'm sure!" he said jovially. "If I can invite this asshole, then I sure as hell will invite you." He jabbed a thumb at Roy and smiled even wider at her. She tried pushing her inhibitions away and allowed herself to return the expression.

"Thank you. I'd be honored," she said with feeling, hoping he could hear that she was grateful for more than just the dinner invite. Roy now looked happy and relaxed, something she wouldn't have been able to do so quickly even if she tried.

"Great! Gracia will be so happy!" Maes said and then after a hot minute, his face turned abruptly sober and he slid his finger along the ridge of his nose to right his glasses again. Riza could feel the atmosphere slipping back into military mode and her face hardened as Roy's eyebrows drew down. "Now that that's over, I've got something else to share with you."

"What is it?" Roy asked somberly. At least he wasn't being unreasonably and childishly angry like he'd been over the paperwork. Honestly, it was like she was the babysitter abused by the ill-behaved kid in the office sometimes.

"I hope you didn't have any plans tonight, Colonel, because we're gonna need you to come out and look at something. About an hour ago, a man claiming to have been an alchemist called into headquarters for help. When the men arrived not ten minutes later, there was a body cut grotesquely to the point of being mangled. We're still working on identifying him."

Riza watched as the anger descended down upon the Colonel with renewed fury and she straightened, grabbing his coat and his gloves off the desk as he stormed out of the room. "Damn, you should have started the conversation with that, Hughes!" he yelled.

She followed behind him with Hughes calmly, checking to be sure her guns were in their holsters before turning off the office lights and locking the door. Roy's coat was folded over her arms and she struggled into her own without losing his gloves. "Why do you need the Colonel to come out?" she asked Maes. She knew Roy had been looking forward to a date all day long, and while she was slightly bitter about it, she also knew it helped him to relax. Anything to get his mind off of work.

Hughes looked at her gravely and he hesitated. She tried not to come off irritated by this. Her sniper training had debilitated any hesitation in her life; there was only planning and execution. "Because they found a note in the man's jacket pocket that said 'flame alchemy'."

Her back stiffened and her lips grew very numb. The pink rise of scar tissue on her back seemed to tingle like it had while it had still been healing. A feeling of unease settled into her stomach and she knew instinctively that something very, very bad was going to happen.

"Oh, I see," was all she said.


	2. Delaying the Inevitable

**Hey! Updating already! Enjoy!**

** Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or any of these characters but I do love them and this plot is miiiine.**

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**Chapter 1**

**Delaying the Inevitable**

The snow had melted in his hair on their walk to their apartment complex from the crime scene. Riza thought he almost looked cute that way, his locks limp and slightly plastered against his forehead. While she was preparing them both a cup of tea, she caught herself thinking about reaching up to push his hair back. To smooth out the lines forming on his forehead. They were improper thoughts, but she didn't stop herself from imagining it.

She didn't think he realized just how stressed he was. Roy's complaints about monotony could go on for hours on end at the office, but there was almost always three little creases between his eyebrows. Something always preoccupied his mind so constantly that she wondered if he even got any peace in his sleep.

He was sitting on her small, dilapidating sofa. Just sitting there blankly. Grabbing the mugs of steaming tea, she came around to sit next to him on the caving cushion. Silently she offered one of the cups and he took it without much thought.

"You kept my gloves dry?" he asked. It was the first thing either one of them had said since they'd entered her apartment. Under normal circumstances it would have been weird to be alone in a personal space like this. But they had to talk and Riza knew it. Her mind kept flashing back to the bloody corpse sprawled out on the floor, the scorch marks that blackened the wooden table in the middle of the kitchen, the note with those two words scrawled on it-sealing Roy's fate into it. And just like always, she was right in between them.

"Yes, sir," she said, reaching for one and taking it out of her pocket. As she handed it to him, she took a sip of her tea and tried to relax. He slid the glove easily onto one hand and snapped at the fire place. The logs lit instantly and she sighed when the warmth hit her. There was nothing quite like a fire after trudging through snow for half an hour.

"That feels wonderful," she tried softly, wanting-needing-to lighten the mood. He sighed and collapsed back against the sofa, staring up at the ceiling to watch the shadows dance. Riza only hesitated a moment before setting her tea down on the coffee table and reaching toward him. Her fingers accidently brushed his chin, making him stiffen, before she was deftly unbuttoning his military jacket. "I'm sorry you had to miss your date tonight. I know you were looking forward to it."

He looked at her as she pulled away and grabbed her tea again, taking a sip. It wasn't completely unusual for her to have unbuttoned his uniform; there had been many occasions when she'd had to help him with his clothes, being the baby that he was. Tonight was slightly different though. Tonight, she unbuttoned his jacket because she wanted to, not because he asked her to.

Roy shrugged. "She wasn't anything special," he told her casually before looking down at his jacket, now open to expose the white button down he wore under it. "I wasn't aware you were so eager to undress me, Hawkeye."

She rolled her eyes at him and tightened her grip on her mug. "Yes, I was clawing at the chance, sir. I wanted to pounce on you at your most vulnerable."

He chuckled at her and the sound lightened the atmosphere, bringing relief to both of them. Riza smiled around the rim of her cup. It was good to hear him laugh. "You'd only have to ask," he teased.

She tried not to blush and decided that they were objective enough to discuss the crime scene in full. "Colonel, what do you think happened to that man?"

Roy looked at her for a moment before shaking his head. "I don't know, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't terrifying in the least. Nothing about that crime scene made sense." She studied his face as his thoughts raced and she knew he was thinking about the scorch marks in particular. It fit along with the nice, cryptic note saying "flame alchemy" all too well.

"It's impossible," he continued with a little frustration. "Your father was the only one to ever perfect flame alchemy, that's why I went to him."

Riza, hating to be the voice of opposition, spoke anyway. "So you won't even consider that someone out there knew flame alchemy and just didn't flaunt it about like my father? You could be walking on a very ignorant tightrope, sir."

He shook his head again, looking up to hold her gaze in a vice grip. "Did you show anyone else the secrets?" His voice was loaded and heavy. "Anyone at all? A friend. A. . .lover?"

She cringed on the inside but remained fairly placid and unimpressed, even while his eyes threatened to pierce right through hers and down into her soul. She wanted to look away, but that would only make him curious and she couldn't handle that right now. "I don't have time for a lover, Colonel Mustang. And for the record, what I do outside of the office is my personal business. If I wanted to show someone what was on my back then I would have." She didn't add that it wasn't likely; Roy Mustang would be the only person besides her father to look at that marking if she had anything to do with it.

Roy broke eye contact and took a drink of his tea for the first time, hearing the heat in her voice. "I see," he said and then felt stupid for ever asking in the first place. She was right; it _was_ her business. And whether someone saw or not, she'd made him scorch off the places on her back most vital to the secrets anyway. No one could figure it out unless they crawled inside his head. He could rest easy with that much, at least."We can't do anything until we know who this man was and where he came from, anyway. Hughes and the investigative department should have that figured out by Tuesday at the latest."

Her face felt like she was in the fireplace when he suddenly reached over and started to unbutton her own jacket, only she noticed how he took his time, his fingers lingering. Without telling it to, her heart rate increased and pretending not to blush was a losing battle.

"Excuse you, sir," she said, happy to note that her voice wasn't as breathless as she thought it would be.

He smirked at her as he languidly undid the last button. "You should relax, Lieutenant. It's the weekend. You got anything stronger than this tea?"

She paused for a moment, which was her first mistake. "No."

Roy laughed and nestled back farther into the couch. "You're a good liar, Hawkeye, but I've been with you too long for it to work on me."

"I'm not getting the liquor out," she said, putting her foot down. The biggest reason was because last time they had a drink together he got so drunk he tried to cop a feel of her ass. It wasn't appropriate, especially since this time they were alone and, moreover, she didn't know if she wouldn't let him touch her like that. She was wound up like a tangled live wire; just having him this close, all alone, was enough for her to feel the echoes of a memory she masochistically held onto.

He grinned at her as if he could read her mind, even though he had no knowledge of that night. "Hard ass," he said.

"Useless trash," she responded in time.

They stared at each other for a moment before laughing lightly at the situation. Then, Roy sighed and his face turned serious again. "Lieutenant, I don't know what the hell this alchemist was trying to say with that note. I don't know why things were blackened by fire in that house but nothing was ablaze or burning down. But I want you to stay very close to me until we figure out who or what did this."

Riza nodded without even thinking about it. "Of course, sir." She had to protect him, after all. The Flame Alchemist, the only one who knew every secret that her father had uncovered. She didn't even know, and they were imprinted on her back.

"I mean it," he said, leaning toward her. The couch suddenly was too small, too comfortable. "Stay very, _very_ close."

She closed her eyes when his hand moved aside the collar of her jacket and his knuckles brushed up along the side of her neck. Whenever she inhaled, the smell of his peppermint gum filled her head so much that she wanted to burst. She wanted to give in badly, but there were rules and regulations against this and the last time it happened, things had gone down and she didn't care to repeat them.

"Sir," she said, reaching out and stopping him with her palm to his chest. She could feel his heartbeat through the thin, white shirt, beating quickly against her hand and his body emitted so much heat she just wanted to wrap up in it and wait out the winter season. "We can't do this again."

"Tell me to stop, and I will," he whispered. His body stopped moving forward, but he slowly wound his hand around to the back of her neck and reached for the clip that held her hair in place. Looking at her now was no easier than looking at her any other time of the day, but this moment was a rare opportunity. The last time he took advantage of it things had gone south, but he was honestly worried for her and the secrets she carried. To hold and have her with him now would put a piece of his mind to rest.

He noted that her eyes remained closed and he didn't know if it was because she didn't want to look at him or for other reasons. But her mouth remained pressed into a straight line and when he began to shift closer to her, the hand on his chest fisted around his shirt. His lips twitched and he smiled as he closed the distance between their faces, brushing his nose along the edge of her cheekbone before resting his face there against hers.

"Roy," she whispered, her voice sounding very tight, "we can't."

His heart was beating so fast now as his eyes slipped closed. She'd only used his first name a handful of times, but he could recall her look and the place for each one of them. "I know I complain about paperwork," he said softly, "but there's something about monotony that's so damn safe. And I hate when we're ripped away from that, knowing what you'll do to protect me even as I put myself in danger. It kills me, Riza."

She felt like she was holding her breath, a shudder running up her spine at the low quality in his voice and the warm puff of air that brushed against her skin gently. Riza knew this was dangerous on so many levels and that Roy could be severely punished if anyone saw them now, but she couldn't bring herself to use that hand and push him away. She always pushed people away, and what he was saying had truth in it.

He did put himself in danger, all the time. But that was his job, just like it was her job to preserve his life no matter what. Her hand rose with his chest as he sighed and she allowed herself to sink against him for a moment.

Roy felt it the moment she truly relaxed, because she sagged toward him. He wasted no time, wrapping his arms tightly around her back, under her jacket, and pulling her in as close as he possibly could. She gasped a little in his ear, but she was soon clutching at him with just as much desperation as she buried her forehead into the crook of his neck.

_I could stay here forever and never be unhappy,_ Riza thought. "It's my job to protect you," she said, her voice muffled by the collar of his jacket. No, it was more than just a job or an obligation-it was a personal goal, a lifetime aspiration. "You can't ask me to do anything otherwise."

He chuckled, feeling the rise and fall of her back as she breathed, the warmth of her that had been trapped in the jacket. "I know full and well you're too stubborn, so I won't waste my breath. However." Roy let himself relax against her, his chin falling into the crease between her shoulder and her neck. "As far as we know, this killer on the loose is dangerous and brutal. I need you to remember that your own life is important too."

"I can take care of myself."

"I never said you couldn't." Part of him was amused, another part agitated that she was just brushing him off. "I did say that you need to watch your own back as well." He started running his fingers up and down her back in a pattern-less motion and she tightened her hold on him. "I'll do what I can, but it's not going to be easy."

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes at his dramatics. "You should try being optimistic for once, sir. I'm pretty sure you're exaggerating the outcome of this case much more than you should."

"Worrying about you is what I do best," he admitted with a sigh. "And back to the formalities already, are we? This is a highly inappropriate time for you to consider me your commanding officer, Riza." His hands were traveling dangerously low, slowly inching up the fabric of her shirt tucked into her belted pants.

She blushed against his neck, glad he couldn't see it. "Old habits die hard."

"Maybe we should create some new habits then." His voice seemed to echo around her, filling her, bringing heat to her cheeks. Her blush only deepened when his fingers had removed the shirt and his hands were pressed flat against her lower back, skin blistering as if he had snapped fire on the direct spot. "You're so warm."

"Colonel, why do we keep doing this to ourselves?" Riza asked, focusing on everything but his hands. "It never works."

His body shook against hers, a sure sign that he was chuckling. "Why do you have to think everything down to the last insignificant detail?"

"Of all the times you worry, this isn't one of them. Incredible."

He tilted his head sideways, his lips brushing lightly against her ear. She stiffened, stunned by the way he suddenly stole her breath. How did he do that? It wasn't fair. "I tend to forget myself when I'm with you."

"You seem perfectly capable at the office." Her breath hitched embarrassingly as he kissed the rim of her ear. Oh but did it matter right now? He felt good against her-hot and lean and Roy. She knew that she could hold a thousand men in this same intimate manner and it would never feel like this. It was instinctual; he was the only person she'd ever truly, unconditionally loved in her life.

His lips touched her hairline at her temple. "Then I must be a good actor."

"You had a date tonight."

Roy pressed the ridge of his eyebrow there at her temple and sighed. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to feel guilty or not; Riza was a tough cookie to crumble. Even for him, someone who'd known her since childhood. "If you think just because I've gone on a couple casual dates since what happened between us means I couldn't care less about you, then you have never been more wrong."

She sighed as well and pulled away, though still keeping her arms sheathed in the warmth of his jacket. His words were grating on her a little bit, toying with her, teasing her into believing him. Riza wasn't an idiot; just from the way his eyes were meeting hers now she knew he cared about her. But recognizing this only fueled her irritation. "If I mean so much to you, Colonel, then why do you date?"

Roy wasn't an idiot either; he knew that him dating other women irked her. Got under her skin. "Because."

She withdrew her arms now, snorting in the back of her throat and rising from the couch. His arms slipped away from her and she readjusted the shirt that he'd crinkled up underneath as she took their cold cups of tea to the kitchen and dumped them down the sink. She tried not to appear angry, but hot flames of fury were licking at her calm mask. _What kind of answer was that anyway? Because. Because my ass!_

"You're angry with me." Roy appeared in the kitchen as she started to wash the cups out and place them on the dish rack. She slammed them down with too much force and turned her eyes on him. Involuntarily, he took two steps back. Damn, he should have just left her alone when she came in here. The look on her face was all too clear; he'd seen it before. He gulped, knowing that her loaded gun was still in its holster at her back.

"I'm not angry," she said in a voice full of ice, lying through her teeth. "But I do wish that if you were going to pull the rug out from underneath me like that, you'd have a better excuse than _because_."

"Pull the rug out from underneath you?" He stared at her curiously, bewildered. How was it that she was his subordinate and he was the one always trying to play catch-up with her? He was supposed to be the one in charge, the one a step ahead. "What are you talking about?"

"You're a fool if you don't see it," she said, her voice a bit caustic. He backed away from her until he hit a wall and could go no further. She placed her hands on either side of his body and scowled deeply at him, letting her feelings show transparently on her usually stoic face. As scary as she looked, and as terrified as he was, he could admire the bitter, angry energy about her and was surprised to realize just how hot she was when she was furious.

"Don't see what?" He cringed; it was the wrong thing to say.

She glared. "I thought alchemists were supposed to be intelligent and capable of grasping simple concepts, Colonel Mustang."

This time, it was his turn to scowl. "Stop addressing me as your commanding officer."

"What are you going to do about it if I don't, _sir_?"

"Damn it, Riza!"

"I don't recall telling you to address me by my first name. That isn't proper conduct, _sir_."

He gritted his teeth and took her face in his hands, forcing her to keep eye contact as he bared her gaze down upon her. Her ability to easily frustrate him was uncanny and irritating as hell; she was stubborn and brash and crazy for swearing her life to his as his subordinate and bodyguard. But if he had it his way, he'd have to put up with it for many, many more years to come.

"I'm trying to forget!" he yelled at her. She felt the power of his eyes, heavy and persuasive-even a bit fearful and apologetic. Most people thought his eyes were unsettling because of their dark depths, but Riza could never use that word to describe them. Frightening, maybe, because of the influence they wreaked havoc on her. Even piercing would work. Now, his eyes were both those things and her skin itched with heat-from desire and anger.

"What?" she growled out, trying to show she remained unaffected. She hated how easily she wanted to cave into him; she felt weak, and weak was something that she couldn't afford to be.

"You," Roy snapped, his fingers gentle despite the fierceness in his voice. The tips of them trailed around the edges of her face. "I'm trying to forget you."

She pulled far away from him, frowning with creases in her forehead. Was she that much of a bother to him? It didn't add up, not with the way he'd been acting just ten minutes ago on the couch. Sometimes words cut deeper than actions, though, and these sliced right through her heart. "You have the power to reassign me, Colonel," she said robotically, no feeling in her voice as she tried to contain the hurt. "If I'm that much of a nuisance, just let me go."

Roy groaned in frustration and chased after her. "You are taking my words the wrong way," he said simply. He wasn't all that much taller than her, but he tilted her chin until he could gaze down at her face, so distraught. She was calling him a fool for whatever he wasn't quite getting, but wasn't she the same?

"Then what do you mean?"

"I mean that you are unattainable. Both at your hands and by the laws of our military. When I date, Riza, it's because I'm trying to find someone that makes me feel the same way you do." He searched her eyes as they widened slightly, expecting her to melt at his words. It was a fair expectation since he was, admittedly, a smooth talker and was usually able to talk his way out of any situation where a woman was concerned.

But, of course, this was Riza Hawkeye, and she wasn't the usual type of woman he spent time with. "Then you're an idiot," she said bluntly, swatting his hands away from her.

He frowned. That was definitely not the response he was expecting.

"I have never been unattainable to you, Mustang. I've always been right here." She marched away from him and back into the little living room to stand in front of the fire, shuddering because her skin was suddenly feeling cold. She drew her jacket tighter around herself, wishing her irritation would warm her up. When she spoke again upon hearing him enter the room behind her, her voice was soft. "The military is a reasonable excuse. I understand that one."

She tensed when she felt Roy directly behind her, his hot breath on her neck. Her body shivered again, but for different reasons this time. Every cell inside of her was screaming for him to reach out and touch her, straining for her to turn around and launch herself at him.

"But I don't get why you are saying that I make you feel whatever you feel. Why would you look for someone else, when I'm _right here_?"

His hands found her slender waist before sliding down to her full hips. She held her breath when his fingers flexed there and then her back was resting against his chest.

"You're right," he muttered, burying his face against her neck. She felt her face flush when his lips brushed against her skin. "I am an idiot."

She sighed. "Yes, I know."

He chuckled and rested his chin there at her neck. "Then where does that leave us?"

"I don't know, but I think it's time you go home, sir."

A frown pulled at his lips, but he knew there was no arguing. This always happened; they'd share an intimate moment of closeness where he thought his whole body was going to be turned inside out and then one of them would realize how dangerous and selfish they were acting. One of them would pull away. The other would understand.

The one time it had escalated into something more was seared into his mind like seeing a camera flash in the dark. He could try to blink away the memory, but it was always there, bright and piercing, too obstinate to be forgotten. The most difficult part of remembering was recalling that her desperation had met his with equal fervor. That she wanted him, too.

"Very well, Lieutenant," he murmured reluctantly, stepping away from the warmth of her body. "I will meet you down in the lobby Monday morning for work. I can't afford to be walking out and about with some crazed murderer running around if my alchemy is the target." He intentionally made his voice gruff, but he knew she had to know that he wanted to be able to keep her safe as well.

Roy made his way to the door and opened it, pausing in the threshold before leaving. "Please be safe this weekend, Riza."

She took a deep breath before turning around, trying to calm her jittery, fluttery nerves. This was always the worst part; the separation after sharing something so monumental between them. "You too, Colonel."

Their eyes held for a moment longer before he stepped into the hallway and shut the door.

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**I know this is just a really fluffy-ish filler chapter, but I really need to establish this complication between Roy and Riza before I get into the plot. I hope you guys are enjoying so far and if you have time, I'd love for you to drop a line or two. I cherish and respond to everyone! 3**


	3. How it Began

**Any feedback on this chapter would be appreciated since I spun the story in a slightly different direction than I originally planned. I like this idea better anyway. Forgive the summary change and enjoy!**

** Disclaimer: I don't own FMA! I just wanted to play with my favorite characters!**

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**Chapter 2**

**How it Began**

Monday morning came fast and hard. Roy had spent most of his weekend catching up on all the lost sleep, and when he wasn't doing that, he was staring at the fireplace and drinking the strongest coffee he could make. The woman he made a date with for that previous Friday had called many times, but he didn't answer. Didn't want to. He didn't care if she was going to be mad at him or not; he had no intentions of rescheduling. It would have been a one-time thing anyway.

He tried not to admit it to himself, but a large part of his thought process over the weekend was dedicated toward Riza, analyzing and memorizing every word she had said on Friday night. When he wasn't losing himself in those thoughts, he was pondering over the murder with a crease in his forehead that grew deeper with every passing moment. Nothing about that made sense or even fit together, except for the note in the alchemist's pocket and the scorch marks that decorated the inside of the house.

As Roy was donning his uniform, he found himself hoping that Hughes would gain some sort of lead on the case today. He knew the coroner or his best friend couldn't worked all weekend on it, but identification would at least be a good place to start. Besides, as dangerous as this case could be, it would be nice to get out of the office a little bit. He didn't know how much longer he could sit there in monotony and pretend like it was okay. Especially where Riza was concerned. It was getting harder and harder to have her work in such close proximity without doing what he _wanted_ to do to her.

He took a deep breath and cut off those thoughts. She would never let him touch her like that, and certainly not in an office setting. Damn, he'd been so close to cracking her shell on Friday night. Even as illegal as it was by the laws of the military, he would risk being with her. He'd risk everything for her. But he said the wrong things, reacted the wrong way, and she'd pushed away again. He didn't blame her; he'd pushed away before but that was before he understood just what it was he felt for her. Someday he'd figure it out; he was on the verge of irrevocably belonging to her. She just had to let him.

Always reliable, Riza was waiting for him in the cozy old lobby of their apartment complex building. She stood upon seeing him exit the elevator and slid her gloves onto her fingers, buttoning up her winter jacket so that it was even tighter around her. He admired the way the fuzzy lighting burned against the blonde in her hair and shone in her eyes.

She gave a quick little salute. "Good morning, sir."

He nodded, relieved that she was standing there in perfect condition, looking more decent than he wanted to admit, though it killed him to have to use formalities. "To you as well, Lieutenant Hawkeye. I trust your weekend was enjoyable?"

Her hands found their way into her pockets and she fell into step beside him as he headed for the main entrance doors. "Yes, sir, and yours as well?"

"Could have been better." He didn't look at her but his heart jumped a little in his chest just thinking about it. Damn it, it could have been the hell of a lot better. He'd been holed up with coffee for two days moping about things he couldn't have. It wasn't one of his shining accomplishments, in fact it was rather embarrassing, but he'd never admit it to anyone that he could be so easily distressed over a woman.

"I'm sorry to hear that," she said softly. He might have been imagining it, but Roy was sure that there was a hint of regret in her voice. Quickly, the notion was dismissed; wishful thinking was only going to run him around in circles and he had more pressing matters to consider.

They didn't say much more as they took their chilly morning walk to Central Command. The snow that had fallen the night before was scraped off the sidewalks, making mountains of white slush piled up against the buildings. It was the most snow that Central had ever seen in its history, having a new snowfall almost once a week.

Roy wrinkled his nose. Even though the snow wasn't quite as hindering as rain, it was still made of water. He didn't like it. When he snuck a peek at Riza from the corner of her eye, she was almost smiling. His eyes followed her gaze to see a group of five or six children up ahead at the small park throwing snowballs at each other. Upon seeing her expression the question popped out of his mouth before his curiosity could be stopped.

"Do you want kids?"

She looked up at him in shock. "Excuse me?"

"Do you want kids?" He kept his tone neutral, even though he was strangely eager to know.

"I haven't been able to think about that," she told him, her voice ringing with sincerity. He nodded because he understood; being in the military left hardly any time to have a personal life, let alone ponder the future in great detail. "What about you, Colonel?"

He was about to tell her that he wasn't adverse to the idea when a snowball came out of nowhere and pelted across his face.

"Sorry, mister!"

Roy raised a hand and waved irritably at the apologetic kid and kept walking. Riza kept pace with him, but she had a gloved hand covering her mouth.

"Not a word," he said with agitation, wiping at his face.

She tried to straighten her face as she removed her hand. "Of course not, sir."

::::

"Hawkeye, the Colonel's passed out again," Havoc said as Riza entered the office with a newly washed coffee pot ready to be used. The rest of the men in the office looked up at her to gauge her response.

She tried to keep the irritation out of her voice; God knows she loved each and every one of them, but they could be such unhelpful babies. "What do you want me to do about it?"

Breda seemed to be at a loss for words. "But. . .but. . .but he always. . .and you. . ."

"I am his subordinate, not his babysitter," she said as she set the pot down where it belonged. She dreaded being in his office alone with him because it would be the closest thing to private since Friday night and whenever she looked at him she still felt the ghost of his lips against her ear. Her stomach fizzled at the thought of it, a sudden wave of heat rolling through her as she remembered. However, it looked like there wasn't going to be a choice.

She looked at the men in the room hard as she started the coffee pot. "Wait a minute, let's not all rush in there at once," she said as they ducked their heads and scratched their pens against the files they were working on. A sigh escaped through her lips and she was just passing her own desk when the phone rang. She reached for it and put it to her ear, voice curt and businesslike. "Colonel Mustang's office."

"Hey, Hawkeye! It's Hughes!"

"Lieutenant Colonel. What can I do for you?"

"Is Mustang there? I've got some intel on that murdered alchemist from Friday."

"Just a moment," she replied, pushing the speaking end of the phone against her shoulder. "Fuery, go wake the colonel. Tell him he has an important phone call."

The young man looked up from his work. "Me? O-okay, sure." She smiled her thanks at him as he stumbled over to their commanding officer's door and entered the room. Riza pulled the phone back up to her ear.

"He should be on in just a moment, sir," she told Maes.

"Thanks, Lieutenant," he replied happily, even though the subject matter couldn't have been all that cheerful. "Say, are you busy tonight? Gracia and I would love to have you over for dinner!"

She blanched and was struck speechless for a moment. Why was it that this man always surprised her? "I'd love to," she said after a stretch of silence, feeling her heart swell while keeping the emotion from her face. No wonder Roy kept Maes around.

"Great! I'm sure if you talk to Mustang, you two could carpool," he continued on. Just long enough to make Riza's stomach sink slightly and fill up with butterflies at the same time. So the colonel would be there, too. Of course he would; why should she have expected anything different? Roy was Maes' best friend and vice versa.

"Yes," she said, straining to sound unaffected. "That's a great idea."

Another line picked up, and Roy's voice came through scratchy and low. "What is it, Hughes?" He sounded exhausted and as Riza put the phone down in its resting place, she felt her eyebrows furrow. Why was he always so tired? Did he ever get any sleep outside of the office? She wished she knew, that she could ask. But that would start to open those festering cuts in her heart that Roy Mustang had burrowed into in the first place. She didn't need it and neither did he.

Fuery came back out of the office and shut the door behind him, looking relieved. Riza supposed that Roy hadn't been as scary as Fuery thought he'd be, but she wished that the men weren't so timid about approaching him sometimes. He was their superior officer so it was understandable, but he was also lax as far as keeping his subordinates in line. He would never admit it, but Riza knew how much he genuinely cared for each and every one of them.

"Thank you," she told Fuery as he took his seat.

He smiled and nodded at her. "No problem, ma'am."

She returned to her work with the rest of the men and a few moments later, Roy came out of the office, sliding his arms into his coat. Everyone but Riza looked up at him; she tried her best to remain unaffected like she had been for the last several years of her life as his personal bodyguard and assistant. It was inevitable that she'd feel his stare when his eyes turned to her; she'd known him since she was eight - to be unfamiliar with him would make her unfamiliar with herself.

"Lieutenant, we have field business to attend to," he said, his voice gravelly with a touch of laziness and an undertone of anxiety that only she could hear.

"Yes, sir," Riza responded without any further explanation. She gathered up her coat and checked her guns in their holsters at her waist and her back as Roy turned to the rest of his men.

"If we aren't back before office hours are over, clean and lock up." His voice was abrupt. Whatever Maes said on the phone must have really gotten at him.

"Sir," the men said, saluting him informally from their seats at their desks.

He maintained his gruff composure and stalked out of the room. Riza sighed as she checked his office; sure enough, his white gloves were resting there on the desk. She quickly snagged them and shut the door behind her. After nodding at the men, she followed Roy out the door, stuffing his gloves in her coat pocket.

It was impossible to tell how dangerous a simple field mission would be when he gave her no prior information, but she would always put his safety at the forefront of her mind.

His alchemy gloves were a must.

::::

Maes Hughes was waiting for them in the car parked just outside the gates of Central Command. In an unexpected manner, Roy yanked open the door and gestured for Riza to climb in first. She did so without pausing or showing her surprise, but her heart jumped a little at the thought. Since when did she go first?

"Hi there, Hawkeye!" Hughes crowed, smiling widely at her as she settled into the seat at the far window.

She nodded at him. "Hello, sir."

"I already told Gracia that you accepted the invitation and she's just falling over herself," he continued as Roy slid in and shut the door behind him. Riza felt her neck growing hot beneath her collar as he soaked in the conversation. "Food is always better with company anyway, and she's sick of being the only woman when I bring home friends from work." He laughed and his eyes sparkled. It wasn't hard to see why Gracia would want to marry him; someone so strong and full of life. They'd be very happy together.

"Well, I'm looking forward to it," she replied sincerely. The car jolted into motion and they began moving, the driver military personnel who remained impassive to the three officers in the back.

Roy remained nonchalant and closed his eyes as he fixed the sleeves of his jacket. "Am I missing something?"

"Business?" Maes teased, winking at Riza through his lenses. She smiled slightly.

"Anything that concerns my Lieutenant during working hours is my business," Roy replied in a very strict voice.

"Oh, lighten up, you Debbie Downer. We were just talking about dinner."

The colonel paused. "Dinner?"

"Yes, sir, the Lieutenant Colonel and his wife have invited me to dine with them tonight," Riza spoke, a little miffed at the strange tone in his voice.

Maes chuckled as Roy nodded. "Very well. We'll share a cab to his home this evening."

"Yes, sir."

"You really are a piece of work, Mustang," Maes said in good humor. "Relax for a moment."

"How can I relax when there's the possibility of another flame alchemist roaming around?" Roy sighed and reached into his pockets as if looking for something. He froze and his eyes widened. "Damn it."

Riza couldn't help the smile as she pulled his gloves out of her pocket. "Looking for these, sir?" The smugness in her voice was an added touch she didn't expect but really, the look of surprise and then satisfaction on his face as she extended the gloves toward him were worth it. Anytime she proved useful to the colonel was a good moment and as he took the gloves from her, he smirked a little. Her heart fluttered, but her face betrayed nothing.

"Hm. I don't know what I'd do without you, Lieutenant," he said, that barely perceptible smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth crookedly. He pulled the gloves onto his hands and flexed them briefly, his eyes lingering on them because they were crucial to him. Riza repressed her smile and leaned back against the seat.

For the entire car ride, Maes mostly blabbered on and on about Gracia and the wedding plans. Riza stared out the window and when she wasn't ignoring the word vomit, she was trying not to laugh at the exasperated expression on Mustang's face, or his curt, irritated answers to Hughes' questions. She would always enjoy listening to them banter; it was like they were brothers.

Riza herself had never seen much familial affection in her life. What she remembered of her mother were blurry images of lengthy legs and a laugh that peeled like a bell on Sunday morning. Her father had been a cold-hearted, isolated man who praised his books more than he voiced his concern for her. As a result, she didn't know how to express emotions properly without seeming like she cared too much or not enough. It was easier to put on the mask and pretend that she was untouchable.

But watching Maes and Roy engage in conversation made her feel a warmth in the atmosphere that melted back the edges of the mask just a bit. That over enthusiasm, the underlying hint of irritation, the chuckles, the teasing. It was all so subtly affectionate that Riza almost wanted to join in and converse with just as much gusto; however, she didn't know how. And though she liked Maes, she was still too wary to cut loose the way she could relax with the Colonel.

After what seemed like a lifetime, the driver finally pulled the car to a stop up in front of the same country house that the three officers had visited that previous Friday. Bands of material were strapped across the top of the door, warning against intrusions and the sky was as gray and dismal as the ashes that trailed out into the porch. Flurries began to drift down from the clouds and when Riza stepped out of the car last, she shoved her hands in her pockets. The wind grew strong, struggling to tear her hair free of its clip.

She fell into step behind Roy as he made his way toward the home while Maes gave directions to the driver; it appeared that Maes was going to go in and check Roy's word after he investigated. It was inevitable to note that Roy looked much better now than he had when they'd left the office, even if he had put on the air that Maes annoyed him.

"We're here to sift through whatever couldn't be seen in the darkness on Friday night," Roy informed her as he reached for the doorknob and twisted it. "There are just a few clues that they need us to reinforce concerning the assumed events leading up to the murder. We've got back up watching the house from out of sight in case anything happens."

"Yes, sir," Riza responded in time, following him into the home. The second she stepped foot over the threshold, the lingering smell of blood and scorched wood clung to her nose and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. Instinctively, she withdrew a gun from her holster and unlocked the safety.

"Careful, Colonel," she muttered, her shoulder brushing against his as she took the lead. "Something's not right."

He nodded and tugged at his gloves. "I feel it too."

"I'll check upstairs."

"The cellar is mine. Call for me if you see anything."

She moved toward the staircase with soft footsteps, the sound of her coat swishing around her like a whisper. The door to the cellar creaked from the next room and she knew that Roy was descending down the steps into the darkness. Her finger poised, she began her ascent up the staircase, careful not to touch anything or make a sound.

::::

Roy kept his hands unsheathed from his pockets, his fingers twitching in case he needed to snap without a second to spare. His eyes swam in the darkness as he tried to make out shapes, but he had no form of light. He hoped that the sinking feeling in his stomach - that bad taste on his tongue and the goosebumps on his arms - were nothing more than a product of his overenthusiastic imagination. The fact that there was already trouble brewing with this case was bad enough.

A small scratching noise reached his ears and instinct set in; he pressed his back against the wall and raised his hand in front of him, ready to snap.

"Who's there?" he said in a calm voice. If no answer came, it was safe to assume that the noise was caused by a rat or some other rodent. But he felt eyes boring into him and he knew. _He knew_.

"You're as perceptive as they say," a voice said with amusement, slithering out of the darkness. It was female, which surprised him, but even the amusement could not hide the sharp ice that protruded from it. "I'm impressed, Colonel Fire Fingers."

"So you know who I am," he replied, his voice cool, the smirk curling his voice. "Excellent. I suppose you wouldn't mind returning the favor?"

There was a blinding white flash and then the entire basement was lit like daytime, bleaching every surface in sight. Roy squinted into the room, his eyes finding the curvy figure of a woman. She sauntered toward him and stopped five feet away; he couldn't see anything about her. The light was too bright, burning behind her, a mask and dark clothing covering her form.

"That's not important," she said with a light laugh. "You, however, are. Surely you know what I'm here for, Colonel."

"You're housewarming gift upstairs failed to elaborate on that."

She tossed her hand in the air. "That alchemist was getting in the way of what I need. He made me mad, so I ended him."

"He wasn't even a state alchemist," Roy said, recalling that they had found no silver pocket watch despite their inability to identify who he was. So as not to look too suspicious, he cautiously took in his surroundings and evaluated his situation while he spoke. "Surely someone of little note in the area wouldn't have been that serious of a problem for you."

She laughed again. "You're already overestimating me. No wonder they made you colonel so young." Her voice was still like ice, but the familiar cadence of a flirty quality entered her voice and he was instantly repelled.

"It's wise to expect more than it is to expect less," he said, trying to buy him some time. Damn it, where the hell was Hawkeye? Did it really take that long to check out the three or four rooms in the top story of the house? "You still haven't told me what you want."

"Hm. You are a strong, assertive man, aren't you? I bet your woman likes that; you look very attractive like this," she purred, stepping uncomfortably closer to him. The heat of his anger began to melt away his cool-under-fire demeanor as the woman taunted him and mentioned who he knew was Riza. "I want you, Colonel."

"I'm not easily seduced," he responded, his fingers twitching at his side. "What do you want from me?" He knew where she was going with this; it was always the same thing and she would be no exception. She was a woman who clearly had an agenda and if she was murdering to get what she wanted then she was already someone not to be taken lightly. Her actions showed determination and a goal and it would be Roy's job to stamp it out.

"Everything," the woman said sweetly before her voice turned hard. "I want your body, your mind, your secrets. I want to swallow them until they are a part of me and there is nothing left of you. Give me your flame alchemy secrets and I will leave your subordinates alone."

Just as he was about to spit at her and snap his fingers, a shot rang out from the top of the staircase and the woman jolted to the side, stumbling before she hit the floor. Blood spurted from her shoulder, but instead of pain coming off her lips she growled in irritation.

He snapped at the woman as another shot rang out but the enemy was fast; she leapt up from the ground and sprinted into another room in the basement.

"What the hell took so long, Hawkeye?" he demanded as he chased after the woman.

Riza's boots squeaked as she followed him, gun at the ready. "I thought you could do with a little excitement, sir, after all that paperwork." He couldn't help but smirk at the sassy tone in her remark.

"Stand back," he said, throwing an arm out to stop her as he extended his other and snapped. The room the woman had run into exploded in a vast orange bubble of flames and heat engulfed both of them, drawing forth sweat on their brows. Once the fire died out, his shoulders relaxed; that had to have taken care of her.

He stiffened and felt Riza tense behind him when a laugh rang out. "Missed me! It's a shame you're fighting back; no worries, Colonel. I'll be back for you when you least expect it."

"Like hell," he snarled, lunging at the room. Who did this woman think she was, taunting him like that? She didn't know him and he didn't know her and she sure as hell wasn't getting what she wanted. Not in a million years. He promised himself and Riza that flame alchemy would be between them and that no one else would ever harbor it's destructive powers. He'd never break that promise, not after witnessing it's strength and definitely not after gaining and keeping Riza's trust.

"Colonel!" Riza shouted, her voice strangled, as he ran into the room. He paused in surprise when he found himself staring at the masked woman. She sounded like she was grinning.

"Goodbye, Fire Man. I really hope that this doesn't kill you."

The blinding light in the room vanished and a single hole in the ceiling punched through the abrupt darkness. Roy cursed loudly as Riza called out to him again. He was about to respond when a loud sound thundered and the walls shook. The sounds of things crashing around him filled his head for a moment before the ceiling collapsed and his consciousness failed him.


	4. Flutter

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA but Roy and Riza make me go alskjdflkajlasjdf so**

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**Chapter 3:**

**Flutter**

Riza watched incredulously as the ceiling thundered down around Roy and a horrible feeling clawed its way up her chest until it burst through her mouth in an ugly, dry sort of gasp. What she was seeing seemed hardly possible, hardly reality. It was too similar to those nightmares that occasionally plagued her unconscious mind; the ones that would wake her in the earliest, darkest hours of the morning, her hair plastered to her neck with feverish perspiration.

Watching Roy Mustang disappear like this into a shock of heavy debris and darkness was something she never dreamed would come to pass; not as long as she was alive. Not so long as she could help it. As his bodyguard, he would never experience the horrible scenarios that sometimes plagued her mind in the night because she would rather die than see him fall. He was so good, so wonderful, so determined; he was the only faith she held in the military nowadays. To have him gone from this world he was so determined to mend was exactly the sort of thing she couldn't even imagine. A world without Roy Mustang? Absurd.

But it was a truth that gnawed at her as the noises growled at her and the ceiling rained down in the dark. Frantic and horrified for the first time in what must have been months, tears threatened her eyes. She called out wordlessly and dashed forward, her heart pounding in her chest faster than it had in a long, long time.

"Colonel!" she cried, her hands stretching forward and seizing the doorframe of the room. Another boom sounded and she was sent sprawling backwards. A small snap cracked at her side as she made contact with the hard floor and she only had a split second of reaction to cover her face with her hands before shards of the ceiling covered her. She felt the shrapnel of wood and concrete and brick cutting through her skin, but she couldn't actually discern the pain. And even if she could, it wouldn't matter. Because this wasn't a nightmare, and she wouldn't wake up; it was quite possible nothing was going to be okay. "Colonel!"

The loud rumblings stopped and voices were shouting from upstairs; the military back-up must be coming to investigate all the noise. Riza scrambled to her feet, forgetting her weapon, throwing herself into the room where Roy had been standing. It was pitch black save for the gray light coming in through holes in the ceiling.

She did her best to swallow the raw panic that was making it difficult to breathe. It would do her absolutely no good to lose her head right now; she needed to find Roy. No matter how desperate this situation was, she would disgrace him by being a clumsy, unprofessional mess of tears and broken sobs. As she called out to him again, her voice reaching a high, slightly hysterical pitch, she tried to ignore the waves of guilt that pushed at her. It was her job to protect him! Why hadn't she done a better? If she couldn't prevent him from situations like this, then what good was she?!

A million regrets washed over her like the spray of a shower, polluting her all the way down to her toes. Her breathing was heavy as she squinted into the room, the sound of boots clomping down the stairs behind her completely lost on her. She could wallow in self-pity later when there was no one to see, no one to care; right now, finding Roy was imperative.

Riza felt her rib cage groan, sharp pains lancing up her side, but they were dulled by her anxiety and the undiluted anger directed at herself that was rearing its ugly head. She launched herself into the room and walked straight forward to where she estimated that Roy had been standing.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye! Colonel Mustang!" choruses of shouts came from the stairs as men thundered down them.

"In here!" she replied hoarsely, cursing herself as her voice broke. "The Colonel is unaccounted for!" She took another step and felt her heart leap when her foot kicked something soft. She bent down and immediately felt the material of his glove, sticky with some unknown liquid. Frantically, she crouched on her knees and began to remove the rubble from around the arm.

"Colonel?" she said desperately, beams of light shooting into the darkness. She could not hide the anxiety in her voice now; this was her colonel, her Roy. If he was not alright then she wouldn't be either. "Colonel?!" Men approached her and helped her to remove the remaining pieces of debris littered on top of the body. The light shone down and her eyes stung when the familiar mess of black hair was stained with blood, a severe wound bleeding on his head.

"Do we have a medic?" she nearly screamed, her voice heated, holding in her tears. Anger reared in her, tearing at her insides like a tornado. She did this; this was her fault! If anyone should be lying unconscious right now it should be her! She was the worst bodyguard in all of Amestris and he was hurt because of her poor judgment. This was not acceptable.

"Colonel?" She reached for his neck and pressed two fingers against the vein. Her panic was only slightly dulled when she felt a pulse there; he was alive now, but how long was that to last? She wouldn't be satisfied until he was meeting her eyes, smirking at her, flirting slightly in that enigmatic way he seemed to have mastered. "Colonel Mustang, sir, please. Can you hear me?"

A body knelt down next to her, probing Riza out of the way. "I'm a medic," he said before she could protest. Her heart wouldn't slow, but she was satisfied in the most barely containable way as his sure hands went to work, checking the open wounds on Roy's head and stopping the flow of blood. This was good; medics were good. It meant that Roy had a higher chance of being ok, and that was something Riza was very _ok_ with.

She stood planning to walk to the other side of him, when she staggered and fell ungracefully, her head spinning. Pain lanced up her damaged side and in surprise, she cried out from the pain. Suddenly, someone else was kneeling next to her.

"Hawkeye, are you okay?" It was Maes. The lights from the military police reflected off the spectacles resting on his nose, giving him two glass eyes. "What the hell happened down here?"

She winced and pressed her hand against her rib cage, staring at Roy from where he laid unconscious a couple of feet away, swarmed by people who were probing his flesh and using materials to stop the bleeding. Her mouth tasted like fear and for the first time she considered that he might be beyond repair; she couldn't fathom it. To exist in a world where he wasn't breathing? The idea boggled her mind and she couldn't grasp it. Didn't want to.

Hughes frowned as she sat up, holding her side, and her throat was crackly like a toad's when she spoke. "The Colonel, is he-"

Riza could see the worry in Maes' eyes as he crouched there next to her; it was a wild, feral kind of worry that must have mirrored her own. It quieted something in her to understand she wasn't the only one being driven mad by this situation, that Roy had another friend who cared deeply if he lived or died. Maes' shared feelings was something that she could rely on, even if her trust in him was minimal.

"He's lost a lot of blood, but his condition is stable," said the medic who had approached her first, not looking up as his nimble hands continued to probe Roy's flesh.

She struggled to her feet; Maes kept a guiding hand by her elbow, not so sure she should be standing. From the way she grimaced and wheezed in a sharp breath, he could tell that she was hurt pretty badly. "Easy does it," he murmured. "You're all scraped up, Hawkeye, maybe you should - "

"I'm fine," she said briskly. She didn't matter. She didn't matter. She didn't matter. Clumsily, she lowered herself next to Roy's head, her hand still pressed to her side. Breathing in and out hurt, but she didn't know how much of that was from the injuries on her body and how much was from the raw panic that scraped at her.

"Lieutenant." The voice was Maes' and he touched her shoulder. "You need to get your injuries looked at."

Her voice was hard and she shook her head, glancing up at him. Shadows covered his face, but the concern there was genuine even if obscured. "No. I'm fine."

"We've gotta get him out to the vehicle," one of the medics said. "Keep his back as straight as possible, and support the head, men. We don't know how much spinal damage he may have."

These words sent a new wave of fear through her. Spinal damage! "Let me help," Riza said, her voice scratchy.

Maes caught her shoulder as she staggered back to her feet and chased after the men who were carrying Roy gingerly. She looked over at Maes with frustration and tried not to let it show; that was her colonel they were taking away! She promised him that she would always be there by his side and this did not qualify. Her presence with him was mandatory.

"Let me go, sir," she said, barely civil.

"I care about Roy as much as you do, Hawkeye, but you're not being reasonable. Have you seen yourself?" He grabbed her arm and held it in front of her, showing how it was coated in her own blood like a glove, the sleeve of her winter coat completely ripped away. "And that's not the only extent of your injuries. If you can't take care of yourself for Roy, then I have to."

"But he's unconscious," she said, feeling her anger spit through her teeth. Her head was growing dizzy upon seeing the blood on her arm; as if realizing how injured she really was made her feel the pain of it. She blamed Maes, wanted to pull a gun and shoot of his hand for keeping her where she was. "I have to follow him."

"And that's fine," Maes said. He called over one of the straggling men, who flashed his light and yelped when he caught sight of Riza's torn and haggard appearance.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye, why didn't you say anything?" the man asked as he came close and pulled a strip of clean cloth from a box strapped to his belt. He wrapped it tightly around her arm, but she couldn't stand still any longer; Roy was disappearing up the steps with the men into the gray light and she was too far behind him. As soon as the wrapping was secure, she briskly thanked the man and shrugged away from Maes.

"I'll see to proper medical attention at the hospital," she said gruffly as he jerked back to her side. "But I'm not important right now." Not when the colonel was hurt like he was; he was the Flame Alchemist - possibly the most powerful man in Amestris as far as alchemy could allow. She was nothing compared to that; something expendable to help him reach his goals. What good was she if she failed at that? She was nothing. Nothing.

"That's where you're wrong," Maes said, reaching for her as she stumbled over some debris. She gasped at the quick, hot pain in her side and moaned as the lieutenant colonel caught her. "Roy would castrate me if he knew I let you do this to yourself, and I'm not too keen to have my beloved manhood singed off with the snap of a finger."

"He doesn't have to know," she replied, words slightly slurring, reluctantly leaning on him as they ascended the steps. Her feet suddenly felt very heavy and her head swam viciously. She kept seeing the ceiling crash down around her and Roy, hearing the booms echo in her mind like ripples on a lake.

Maes sighed. "You're as stubborn as he is," he muttered to himself. "Come on; we're almost there. Just stay with me a little bit longer, Hawkeye."

She wanted to say that there was no way in hell she was going anywhere, not when Roy needed her, but her mouth was slow and wouldn't work. She slumped farther against Maes and a part of her head screamed at her to straighten up and fight through this. It was pathetic; how could she ever protect Roy if she was going to let a few scratches and a bruised rib get to her? But no matter how much she gritted her teeth and tried to comply to the screaming voice, she couldn't make her body respond.

Maes led her out of the house, his mind racing a mile a minute. His best friend was wounded and the bodyguard was hellbent on killing herself before either one of them got the medical attention they needed. His work was cut out for him, and he tried to push away the seed of fear that clenched around his insides like ice, squeezing and squeezing and squeezing.

He had to force himself to think clearly; both the colonel and the lieutenant would be just fine. They'd been through worse scrapes than this; particularly in Ishval. The whole story on what happened would have to wait, though it picked at his curiosity and angered him. This had supposed to have been a secure military crime scene; no one should have gotten inside, not with the guards that had been watching this place from secret! And whoever had gotten in had bested one of the best pairs of fighters the Amestris military had to offer.

Worrying about Roy and Riza was enough, but now Maes had an extra special case of anxiety to put on top of that. How was he supposed to file this claim in the reports? It was a secure location, damn it! His men had told him so as Roy and Riza had entered the building! Something bad was going down; this wasn't a mere murder that was to be investigated here. This was especially supported by the injuries that the colonel and the lieutenant were sustained with.

Maes' alarm peaked when the lieutenant went abruptly limp in his arms, her limbs falling to her sides and a whoosh of air leaving her lungs in a small, unconscious gasp.

"Damn it, Hawkeye," he murmured, drawing her in closer. He picked her up and hurried to the waiting vehicle where Roy was being situated. After they were both in the ambulance and speeding for Central Hospital, Maes looked down at the blood that was staining his winter coat and sighed. It was smeared right across the left side of his chest, forever ingrained into the wool. Riza had lost more blood than he thought.

A crease between his eyebrows, he pushed his glasses up his nose and got in the second vehicle that followed the ambulance to the hospital.

::::

Unfortunately, Riza had her fair share of experiences waking up in a hospital bed. It started as early as eight when, clad in a ruffle dress, she tried to show Papa how much of a big girl she was and cook dinner. She had been starving; Mama had been gone for almost six years and she was always hungry. Papa only cooked maybe once a week, if she was lucky, and tonight she was especially starved.

He'd brought home fresh meat from the market that day, and told her to take care of it before retreating back into his study. Riza had gathered up some of the ripe carrots from the garden in the backyard and was humming to herself as the meat sizzled in the pan and she sliced the carrot.

This would make Papa love her, she figured. He had been very cold and mean lately, but maybe he was just hungry. What was that saying her old friend's mama always said? _A way to a man's heart was through his stomach._ That was good; Riza could make Papa love her again if food was the problem. She grinned. She should have done this years ago!

A gruff voice barked out from behind her, demanding to know what she was doing. She turned around with a yelp of surprise and the knife slipped, slicing deeply across her wrist. Just the sight of so much blood, as an eight year old, was too much for Riza and she fell into unconsciousness as she screamed.

Waking up now was better and worse. It was better, because there would be no Papa there to frown at her and tell her exactly how much of a clumsy, stupid girl she was. It was better because she wouldn't feel the crumpling of her heart as she realized that Papa hated her more than before, that she'd ruined dinner, that he didn't care about her but about the time he was wasting in the hospital when he could be perfecting his research.

But it was worse because the pain spanned her entire body, not just wrist. It was worse because her side throbbed painfully and her mouth tasted like vomit and cotton and her head pounded so painfully she feared it would split. But, most of all, it was worse because she wasn't the only one in a hospital bed.

Groaning, her eyelids pulled back slowly against the lights that seared the room into a bleached brightness. Her eyesight focused slowly on the blurred mass not five feet away from her, another body in another bed. Riza's heart jumped and her vision pierced perfectly across the space as she identified the inky tangle of hair, the familiar slope of the broad shoulders. Had it really been so long ago that she had her face buried there, in that protective nook just below his jaw?

"Colonel," she said. Or rather, tried to say. Nothing but a squeak scratched up her throat. Her eyes traced his profile, noting the strip of gauze wrapped around his head and even more medical patches extending down past the collar of his hospital gown. His arms, resting above the sheets, looked fine and Riza could only guess that his heavy winter jacket had saved them. Even better than this, she hungrily drank in the steady way his chest rose and fell, the slight twitch beneath his closed eyelids.

"Colonel," she repeated and her voice was stronger. She sat up in bed and began to swing her legs over the edge of it. The IV in her arm tugged with a little pain, but how could that matter in this very moment? "Colonel."

A sudden movement from the corner of her eye startled her, and she flinched toward the movement. Maes blinked at her and fixed the glasses on his nose, cringing as he hauled himself out of the stiff looking hospital chair in the corner of the room.

"Where do you think you're going, Hawkeye?" he asked with a tired smile, walking up to her bedside. "I requested that you both be roomed together since we don't know if that crazy murderer is gonna come back, and I'm guessing you don't mind that part, but they're going to confine you to another room entirely if you don't stay in bed."

She looked up at him. "What's the prognosis? How is he?"

He chuckled and sat next to her on the bed. She noted that he wasn't wearing the same uniform as he had been when she'd passed out; the blood was gone. "You don't waste any time, do you?"

Her voice was hard. "Answer my question, sir."

"He's stable," Maes replied with a sigh. "But that's about all they'll tell me. Both of you were down for the count. His heart stopped twice after they got him here."

It was suddenly very, very hard to swallow, and when she spoke, she felt like she was the eight year old little girl again. "Twice?"

The man looked up and met her eyes. It unnerved her that it appeared he was really seeing her for the first time, looking past the mask she put up every day of her life to protect herself and to protect Roy. "The doctors gave him a few blood transfusions, stitched up all the open wounds, and checked his head as best as they could. He's alive right now, and that's all they can promise at the moment, Riza."

The use of her first name struck a chord in her, stinging her eyes. She dropped her eyes to hide her face, afraid that he could see everything, though she was exceedingly grateful that he wasn't trying to sugarcoat the situation for her. "I should be the one lying there instead of him," she said vehemently, full of self-loathing as she stared at her knees. Anger at herself flooded her and she felt like she was drowning in it. "I failed him."

"Roy wouldn't see it like that," Maes assured her, knowing it was a gross understatement.

"The colonel can't see anything right now and it's my fault," she said bitterly.

He frowned at her and opened his mouth to refute her hateful claims on herself. He wasn't used to hearing the young woman so outspoken and so upset; then again, this was _Roy_ and she had known him longer than even Maes had. Of course she was upset. Before he could say anything, though, his watch beeped at him, letting him know that his lunch hour was up and he had to be getting back to work.

"I have to get back to Command," he said reluctantly, rising from the bed. "I'll send one of the nurses in to check up on both of you."

She didn't respond.

"He'll be okay, Hawkeye." He reached the door and began to push it open.

"Lieutenant Colonel Hughes," she said.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." Her voice was small and she sounded childlike. Maes wanted to stay longer because leaving Riza to her own devices seemed like a bad idea at the moment, but this was the military and neither one of them were dying. They wouldn't deem his absence entirely acceptable, not until Roy was awake and both of them gave their accounts of the incident.

"Anytime," Maes replied with just the right amount of enthusiasm. He exited the room then, and Riza's shoulders slumped. Her eyes looked back up at Roy's still form and she couldn't tear them away. She knew that she should lay back down because her head was swimming and her side felt like it was about to burst, but she couldn't seem to move.

"Colonel," she whispered. "Colonel Mustang. Please wake up, sir."

She sat there staring at him until one of the nurses Maes promised came in. She tutted about Riza being sitting up so soon after having her broken rib reset and eased the woman back down onto her cot. She went without resistance, but was irritated about the attention.

"What about the colonel?"

The nurse smiled grimly as she tucked the covers under Riza's armpits. "He's doing just fine, Miss Hawkeye. It's natural for him to sleep for so long after head trauma, and now that he's stable, it's perfectly normal that he is."

She was curious, a little bit. "How long have we been out?"

"You've been in and out of consciousness," the nurse replied as she left Riza's bed and made her way toward Roy's. "But you were both brought into the ER about four days ago."

It took everything not to let the surprise show. Four days was an incredibly long amount of time, and the work had to be piling up back at the office; hopefully, the men there were picking up the slack. Surely they had to know that she didn't have time to deal with late deadlines once she got out of here with Roy.

The nurse looked up from checking Roy's IVs and laughed at Riza, though the lieutenant wasn't sure what expression her face was holding. "Don't worry, dear. We just need to keep you for another day or two, until that dizziness stops and your rib isn't still so fragile."

"And the colonel?"

The nurse hid her smile as she ducked her head and finished checking Colonel Mustang's bandages. "When he wakes up, then we'll know."

Riza nodded, though she wasn't content with that answer. She wanted to know now, damn it. Waiting until his healing body to wake wasn't good enough; he was such a strong, overly determined man. She would just have to count on that, and hope it would rouse him from his comatose state soon enough.

But until then, she would berate herself for his condition and apologize to him in hushed whispers when the room was empty.

Havoc visited the next day to check up on both of them. He promised her that they were getting their work done, even if it was a little chaotic and unorganized. The worry in his eyes when he looked at Roy was undiluted, and Riza wished she could do something about it. Everyone was afraid; Roy Mustang had never been out of commission like this before.

The day after, Riza's friend Rebecca rushed in and apologized profusely for not being able to come sooner. It was the first time Riza actually smiled since she'd woken up, if a twitch at the corner of her mouth could be called a smile. The other woman babbled at her and placed a ridiculously large vase of flowers on her hospital bedside table, insisting that she needed to keep them despite Riza's protests.

"I'm fine, Rebecca, I don't need anyone doting on me."

"Oh, shush, you ninny, no one is doting on you. It's just a little get well sentiment from yours truly and the others that miss you down on the shooting range. Besides, you need something a little more cheerful to look at than that dead beat over there."

Riza clammed up then; she knew that Rebecca was only teasing because even Riza had called Roy a dead beat down on the range, trying to vent her frustrations as he put off paperwork. But something about the word 'dead' while he suffered from this experience was not something that sat well with her.

Rebecca realized her mistake even before the words were out of her mouth, and left only after twenty minutes of excessive apologies.

It was the third day, that it happened.

Freshly bandaged with a handful of pain medication subscriptions, Riza was donning some of the civilian clothes that Rebecca had brought for her. The pounding in her head was exceptionally better, though her side ached like it had the first day. Still not much of it mattered. She felt pretty empty anyway; waiting for Roy to open his eyes was like waiting for rain in a drought. Desperately needed and continuously disappointing.

She stood in front of Roy's bed with her purse on her shoulder and her torn winter coat draped across her back; she'd have to go shopping on the way home to get her medication anyway. She might as well pick up a new jacket. Anything would be a welcome divergence from this nightmare. She wondered if the guilt and fear would ever subside, or if they would remain with sickening ignorance until the colonel peeled back his eyes to look at her again.

"I'm going back to the office tomorrow, Colonel," she said to his still form, staring at him with wide eyes. "Someone has to keep things under control. I don't quite trust Havoc when he promised things were getting done."

She gaped a little as his eyelids suddenly fluttered slightly. Suddenly, the world burst into colors and her heart began to soar. He had never responded to her this way before! "Colonel? Can you hear me? Open your eyes if you can hear me, sir!"

His eyelids fluttered again, but this time she saw the whites of his eyes slightly and she couldn't help herself when she reached forward and touched his arm. "Colonel? Colonel Mustang, sir, it's me. It's Lieutenant Hawkeye. . ._Riza_, sir."

Her heart was in her throat as his eyes opened all the way-slowly, but surely, he was looking at her. The same dark eyes, the same intelligent stare that had always managed to make her stomach fill with butterflies, even if it was a little blank. This was it, the moment she'd been waiting for. He was okay! He was going to be okay!

His voice was crusty from disuse, but nevertheless, she could easily make out the single word he uttered as he stared back at her and her stomach dropped.

"Who?"


	5. What Once Was Mine

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA but Royai is my soul food so**

** AN: I am taking lots of liberties as far as memory loss goes for my own purposes of the story. So if it seems inaccurate to actual memory loss that is why. Also, this story probably won't be relatively long; I'm not going to give an exact approximate, but we'll see. Enjoy the new chapter!**

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

**Chapter 4**

**What Once Was Mine**

After days of putting the energy into praying constantly that Roy would live, Riza never had time to contemplate just the kind of condition he would be in when he did wake up. She'd been so focused on seeing those eyes again that she never questioned what those eyes would see when they opened. The kind of things they would process.

Now she was forced into the iron grip of reality and while nothing could overwrite the incredible relief that he was conscious, her heart sank into her stomach and she withdrew her hand slowly.

"Riza Hawkeye, sir," she said, her voice raw. It was surprisingly painful, she realized, that he could look at her like this and ask who she was. Since he walked into her life as a twelve year old boy, she had only existed for one thing and it was him. "Your first lieutenant."

He raised an eyebrow and then looked around for a moment before zeroing back in on her. Her knees wobbled slightly as he stared - partially because this hardly seemed real, partially from the pain in her body, and partially just because it was him. "I know you."

Hope swelled up in her in the blink of an eye and she found herself smiling, nodding earnestly. "Yes, sir, you've known me since we were children. Fourteen years."

He was quiet for a moment and he looked down at his bed clothes, his hands wandering over the sheets as if he was looking for something to hold onto. Riza knew that she should fetch a nurse or a doctor because his consciousness was a breakthrough, but she was frozen to the spot with dread and fierce anticipation.

"If I know you," he said quietly. "Then, how come I don't _remember_ you?" Ice slowly filled her as he frowned and gripped the blankets covering his legs. His breathing hitched and his voice scratched as he spoke again. "Where am I?"

Riza tried to find her voice but she was all so incredulous and her knees were shaking violently. She forced herself to stay upright because allowing this weakness and this shock to overcome her would be pathetic and she would not fail Roy again. The events of the past several days starting a week ago when they'd gone to investigate the crime scene until now were full of so many surprises that she was sure her mind was more battered and bruised than her body.

The door opened then and a gasp came out. A flurry of activity ensued, pushing Riza away from Roy's bedside as medical personnel entered the room and began to check on Roy. She watched blankly, watched as he answered their questions and let them poke and prod, asking some of his own questions too. Her mind spun and reeled and she knew that she had to get back to the office, but how could she leave now? There were so many things to know, so many things to learn.

She could feel the backs of her eyes burning like acid was trying to bubble up and around, to attempt and blind her with the hated water that she never allowed to blur her vision. Somehow, she kept herself in check, keeping herself calm with the same mantra: _he's okay, he's okay, he's okay_.

It might have been harder to remind herself of this if he hadn't been gazing back at her the entire time.

::::

It was another week before Roy was released from the hospital. His doctor wanted to keep him close in case any lingering side effects perused in out of nowhere, but each day that passed, his strength seemed to be coming back and his wounds were healing at optimal speed. Not at all a bad deal considering everything he'd been through.

This wasn't the part that stressed Riza out the most. After the initial shock of realizing that he had no earthly clue who she was (and releasing the hysteria that night into her pillow), it was easy to focus on what needed to be done in order to protect him. She was still healing up from the incident herself, but her rib cage was more of a bruised pain than something sharp, and the neat row of stitches on her arm began to itch ask the skin healed. Safeguarding him wouldn't be a problem in the slightest for her.

His memory loss was. Roy seemed to have all his motor skills intact perfectly; he hadn't forgotten how to spell and seemed just as eloquent and intelligent on the day he was knocked unconscious. He could vaguely recall bits of his childhood - the pieces that took place long before he'd ever even met Riza - but as far as the last twenty years, everything was shot to hell. For any normal soldier this might not have been a problem. With a little encouragement and prodding in the right direction, muscle memory and brain imprints would have guided the poor man who had forgotten who he was. It was easy to teach something a second time when it was as basic as shooting a gun, or filing paperwork, or proper conduct when speaking to an inferior and superior officer. These things were not trivial in a soldier's life, but they were simple, attainable things to hold onto.

Roy Mustang, however, had been no ordinary soldier, and the things he lost with his memory weren't so easily recovered. The things he'd forgotten were gained with years of hard work and determination and a horrible secret concealed on Riza's back.

In short, recovering his basic memories would be no large feat. He would take it all in stride because Roy had always had that kind of capability; Riza couldn't recall a moment off the top of her head when he'd been so burdened and overwhelmed that he had exposed it to the world - he was slightly less volatile than herself when it came to bottling emotions. While she would estrange her emotions and shelve them until she could no longer bear them, he would take them in and acknowledge them in that moment and move on. Regaining his control of his life would be fairly easy for him, as far as Riza could tell. She would be sure to be there to make it as comfortable and optimistic as possible. To try and make sure that he wasn't alarmed to the point of extreme mental distress (for how was she to bring up Ishval?).

Of course, most of his basic memories were intertwined with alchemy. He'd been studying the art for more than half of his life and now he knew nothing of it. Not even how to perform a simple transumation circle. She'd always teased him about being useless on rainy days and now she regretted ever saying anything of the sort to him. If he knew of the kind of power he lost - the sheer strength and wonder of it - he'd hate himself. Blame himself. Probably try something stupid.

Riza knew he had to regain all this knowledge he lost in order to be the efficient and powerful colonel he had been. Not that she didn't have faith in him as a man without alchemy - he was as determined and unmovable as a wall when it came down to the things he wanted. But his alchemic power made it easier, and it impressed the higher-ups.

But then, none of these mattered much to her either. Of course, his goals were important and she knew that Roy would have to be reminded of them. He'd been working on them diligently for the past four or five years; she needed to have a nice long talk with him. She was the best candidate, after all.

The thing that scared Riza most was that Roy was now incapable of effectively protecting himself. His skill with the saber and the gun were gone.

And the eclipse of his mind had robbed him of his Flame Alchemy.

::::

His eyes watched her as she shut the door and clicked the lock into place behind her. He couldn't help it; his gaze was magnetically drawn to her constantly, as if she was gravity and her mere presence grounded his eyesight. Roy wouldn't complain either; this woman - Riza Hawkeye, he reminded himself - was beautiful. He didn't remember many beautiful women, but he knew full and well what that word meant and if there was a picture definition, it existed in her.

She sighed and turned to face him, her lips thinning as she tried to smile at him. Her eyes were tired, though, and marred the effort of the gesture. "Make yourself at home. I'll make us a cup of tea and then we'll settle things, sir." She left the room for the kitchen, and he slowly made his way to the couches where he sat.

_Sir_. She was always calling him that, and it irked him. At first he was confused because he knew that his name was Roy Mustang; with the explanation of his workplace, he understood now, but that didn't mean it bothered him any less. He wanted her to say _his _name-his real name. And he didn't even know why he wanted these things, only that a very deep part of him did. Like a whisper, or that inescapable gravity she exuded, something about her called to him, reached for him. Try as hard as he might, he couldn't place what was so special about her.

The worst part was that he knew that she was special and couldn't remember why. From the moment he'd opened his eyes and seen her staring at him, Roy had deducted instantly that he was exactly where he needed to be in that very instant, despite the sharp pains that had pounded his head. But why, damn it?

Riza entered the room with two steaming cups of tea. She handed one to him with another tired smile and then sat on the cushion next to him. Immediately, he felt anxious to be close to her and he began staring at her again. Maybe if he stared hard enough then the connection would be solved. He knew that wasn't logical, but it was the only idea he could come up with.

"Alright, sir," she said, her eyes not meeting his, gazing into her mug. "I will tell you anything you want to know. Our words are safe here." He had asked several burning questions as she'd escorted him out of the hospital and into the taxi that brought them both back to her house, but he suddenly couldn't remember a single one of them. It seemed that nothing else mattered right now in this room but her.

"I want to know about you," he said, his words practically following hers without a moment's pause.

She glanced up in surprise, her cheeks red. Roy couldn't quite remember what it meant to have red cheeks, but the glimmer of hope in her eyes made him believe that it was a good thing. "About me?"

"Everything about you," he replied, caught off guard by even how gentle he sounded. Those other questions could wait - he knew that he was a colonel in the military, but that was about all. As much as those things pressed down on him, Riza's existence in this room could not be ignored. Not when he felt this way toward her and he couldn't remember why. At least if she told him her life story, he might gain some semblance of reason back. And it wasn't only that, but. . .he _wanted_ to know about her.

"I. . .I'm not important," she said resolutely.

Roy frowned and set his tea down on the coffee table without even taking a sip. "No, you're wrong. I don't know anything about you but that you work for me in the military, but there's this gnawing all over like knowing who you are is the most crucial thing I can know. So please, Miss Hawkeye. . ." Involuntarily, he reached for her and placed his hand on her knee.

She looked at him, startled. "You haven't called me Miss Hawkeye since we were children."

"What do I call you now?"

"Lieutenant Hawkeye," she murmured, taking a small drink of her tea and licking her lips delicately.

He noted that his hand was still on her knee and she did not appear too uncomfortable with it; this meant they had some semblance of constant proximity and an even higher level of trust. Just what kind of connection did he have with this woman? "I address you as my Lieutenant all the time?"

"Mostly."

"Mostly?"

She nodded and tucked her chin down to stare back into her tea, a small smile playing at the corner of her lips. "Sometimes when we're alone you call me Riza. I tell you that's improper whenever you do, because I am your subordinate."

"We're alone now," he pointed out, smirking. His face felt hot suddenly, but he wouldn't remove himself from this situation because every word out of her mouth was pulling him in closer and cracking that mask she was wearing.

She laughed and it was the first time Roy had heard that sound from her mouth since he woke up. "Nice try, sir. I see that part of you hasn't changed exactly."

"Which part?"

Riza smiled at him, but she seemed a little bit happier than before. "The part that flirts with anything so long as it has breasts."

He scoffed at her indignantly, but yes, what she was saying sounded right. "Is that a proper way to describe your commanding officer?"

Her smile faded slightly. "No. You're right, it's not. I'm sorry, sir."

That was going to have to stop. "I don't want you to call me that."

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion and she gripped her mug tighter. "Sir?"

He nodded earnestly. His hand was still resting there on her knee and both of them had all but forgotten about it. "Yes. But there's no use in calling me that while I'm on leave to try and regain my memory. I want you to call me by my first name."

A part of him was amused as her eyes widened slightly and he couldn't help but wonder if she'd even ever used his first name before. "But that's against regulations."

"I don't care," he replied curtly, his hand flexing snuggly around her knee. "Please call me Roy."

::::

Riza swallowed the many other objections and forced a smile at him. What he was asking was reasonable, she supposed, but she would try to avoid naming him at all if she could help it. To have the honor of calling him by his first name would only let her attachment to him grow and she couldn't have that if she wanted to protect him properly. Then again, she already loved him more than anything so how much worse could that get?

"Alright," she consented warily. It was comforting to realize the parts of the Colonel that existed before the accident were still prominently there. His ego or his mannerisms didn't seem too affected, and he spoke just as the Colonel would. The one thing that was different was the staring. Roy had never stared at her so much that she had ever noticed, and if it wasn't so strange it would have been flattering.

"Thank you." He smiled at her and her heart broke a little bit. "Can you tell me about when we were children? I don't. . .I don't remember it."

She took another drink of her tea, hesitating. "I'd love to, but there's something else you need to know about yourself." How was she supposed to explain this to him? Just thinking it herself was crazy enough; to tell him about the kinds of things he used to be able to do and know he couldn't remember them made her sad. It also brought to the surface the fear she felt whenever she considered it. "You were twelve when we met, and you came to my father's house because you. . .well, sir, you wanted to learn how to do alchemy."

Roy's eyes widened, and if he heard her slip of the tongue, he ignored it. "I'm an alchemist?"

Riza nodded and pursed her lips for a moment before continuing. "Yes. My father had perfected a special type of alchemy when I was very young. Then you showed up at our door one morning in the middle of winter with this hopeful look on your face. . ." She launched into the story, remembering that Roy needed every detail she could provide if he was to reclaim his memories.

Father had never let her go to school-he'd insisted that everything she needed to be taught resided in the books of his study. Every time Riza asked about going to school as a little girl, he'd rage and rant about the immoral teaching in the schoolhouses, how they'd fill her head with nonsense and totalitarian ideas of the state. Riza hadn't known what that meant at the time; she only knew that she wouldn't ask Father about school unless she wanted to be slapped around a little.

So when she opened the door that morning in winter to see a young boy standing on the porch with dark hair-disheveled and damp with snow. His sloped eyes wide and nose red, Riza could honestly say that it was the biggest surprise of her life. The only times she'd ever seen another child was when they walked past her house on the way home from school, and as far as having friends, she'd only had one or two that she'd played with in her own front yard. They stopped coming by after Riza's mother died, though, and her father's slow descent into madness began.

"Is this the Hawkeye residence?" the boy asked with a nervous breathlessness that made eight year old Riza wonder. He wasn't even wearing a proper coat for the weather.

Riza nodded at the boy, unsure of what to say. She was lucky if she saw her own father on any given day, and she hadn't talked to a child in so long she forgot how.

The boy peeked over her shoulder desperately, bobbing his head as if trying to get a view of something precious inside the house. "Is Mr. Hawkeye here? I need to ask him something!"

At this, the little girl found her voice. "He's in town right now, but he should be back soon," she said quietly. Hoping that Father wouldn't be upset with her next gesture, she opened the door wider. "You're welcome to come in and wait."

The boy took her up on her offer and once and hopped over the threshold. Riza used what little strength she had and shoved the door home; the bottom hinge was broken, so it dragged heavily on the floor. Father hadn't noticed it yet and Riza dreaded the day he would, for he would tell her to fix it.

"Would you like some tea?" Riza offered shyly as the two children stood awkwardly in the kitchen. The oven was warmer than usual during the day because she'd just finished making breakfast for herself. Making the tea wouldn't take too long.

For the first time, the boy seemed to look at her. He smiled widely, exposing a set of impressively straight teeth. "Yeah, that'd be great. I'm Roy Mustang, by the way."

The little girl nodded. "My pleasure, Mr. Mustang."

Riza was about to get to the part of the story when her father had gotten home when an insistent pounding on her door cut her off mid sentence. Both her and Roy straightened away from each other -funny, she hadn't even realized she was leaning in - and she rose quickly to go to the door, grabbing the loaded handgun sitting conveniently on the small end table.

She knocked on the wood once and leaned her shoulder against the door; it would have been easier to have a peep hole, but this cheap rental space rarely had hot water to spare. "Who is it?"

"It's Maes," came a voice from the other side, urgent and anxious.

She quickly turned the lock and opened it wide, letting the man in. Maes strode in without much hesitation, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Closing the door and relocking it, she quickly came to his side, aware that she was still gripping her gun.

"What's going on?" she asked, getting the feeling that he wasn't here for a friendly chat. Maes had been super helpful since Roy had woken up; he'd been there to explain the entire military deal to his best friend and the two men were as close as they'd ever been.

"There was an attack at the gates of Command and we picked up a hot tip that the woman you described in your report is out looking for Roy at this very moment," Maes supplied solemnly before turning to Roy. "You are one hell of a troublemaker, Mustang."

Roy rubbed his head and smirked slightly. "Wish I knew why."

Riza shook the shock of Maes' statement away from her and went to put her holster belt on. Panic bubbled up inside her and she pushed it down as far as she could. "So what you're saying is we need to get out of the city immediately," she said, clicking the buckles into place and testing the hold; it would do no good if they came undone and she lost both of the guns.

"What I'm saying is that Roy needs to get out of here for good," Maes replied. She looked up at him in surprise. "At least until he regains his memory. It's just not safe for him to be around here without his Flame Alchemy."

Riza knew that, but it didn't make hearing it any easier. "But what about the office? The doctor said it could take months before he remembered." Without asking, she understood that she was to go with Roy; any other option would have been non-optional. Anyone knew that.

Roy stood up, his face incredulous. "Wait a minute here. What the hell is Flame Alchemy?"

Maes shot Riza a look. "You didn't tell him?"

"I was getting to that part," she replied curtly. Her hand curled around Roy's jacket and she handed it to him, hissing as her torso pulled against her healing rib cage.

"Answer me, damn it," Roy demanded, slipping into the coat.

Riza wanted to, but she was in mission mode and nothing was going to crack that now. Not with Roy in danger. "We will have all the time in the world later, but right now we have to go, sir."

"My name is Roy!" he exclaimed heatedly, clearly overreacting.

Despite everything, Maes chuckled as Riza grabbed Roy's coat sleeve and dragged him out of the door. She ignored it, like the pounding of her heart and the horrible anxiety that tied her stomach in knots. Everything seemed to be going wrong for them lately, like someone out there in the universe was testing their strength somehow. When it came to the colonel, Riza had plenty of strength but it was only a matter of time until it waned. She didn't want to think about that.

Maes followed her out the door, making sure it was locked.

There was no telling when she'd be back.


	6. Relocation

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA but I love it to bits which is why I'm writing this story**

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**Chapter 5**

**Relocation **

Maes drove Roy and Riza to the train depot recklessly, ignoring the street signs and barely missing pedestrians. Riza would have had more time to worry about his unsavory driving skills if she wasn't so focused on looking out the windows for signs of a pursuer, her fingers twitching toward her gun, accessible since her jacket was left undone.

Roy was his usual cool self, which soothed some of her worries, and he calmly grilled Maes about what was going on. For someone who hardly knew who he was, Roy was surprisingly collected and directed. It couldn't be easy for him, already frustrated from losing memories and now he had no clue at all what was happening. He knew about the accident and the woman, but he couldn't recall why the incident happened at all. Riza was proud to say that she spent, and would continue to spend, her life serving a man like him.

"First thing you're gonna do is hop on that train and take off. I suggest switching at the next station and going in a new direction; the more random, the better." The tires screeched as Maes took a hard right, cursing under his breath. Riza tensed when she saw a hooded figure standing on the street corner, but the hood drew back to show a young man with a smile waving at someone in a store front. "Second thing for you to do is find the crummiest town possible and lay low. Study. Rebuild your memory."

"What about the military?" Riza asked, her sharp eyes, skimming the streets quickly and efficiently. "Won't they need to know where we are going?" She felt bad that she didn't even have a chance to tell the other men who worked under Colonel Mustang where they were going to be, but Roy's safety was the top priority right now and they would understand that. They were good men, even if they were ridiculous sometimes.

"Leave that to me," Maes said confidently. "I'll cover all the paperwork. As far as anyone who isn't involved with this in Command knows, you will both be considered deserters."

Hot anger rose up quickly in Riza and she snapped at the man, not tearing her eyes from the streets. "You're going to frame him for a deserter? How is the public supposed to respect a man like him if word like that gets around?" He would never be a successful fuherer if people rejected him, and nobody likes a deserter. Especially if that man planned on becoming the most powerful man in all of Amestris.

"Easy, Hawkeye, it's just a story," he grumbled back. "It's the best we can do."

Roy huffed and sat back, folding his arms across his chest, his voice turning caustic as he spoke. "Stop talking about me like I'm not here. I lost my memory, not my hearing."

The tires of the car squealed as Maes slammed on the brakes and gave another sharp turn into the parking lot of the train station. Roy and Riza slid forward on their seats, but she wasted no time in throwing the door open, buttoning up her coat in the middle so that no one would see her guns and be alarmed. Roy followed quickly, tightening the scarf around the lower half of his face. It crossed her mind that they had nothing to their names but the things they carried now; it would be hard to find lodgings once they found a place safe enough to stay, but they didn't have an option.

Maes hopped out of the driver's side of the vehicle. Forget that the engine grumbled and blocked at least three parking spots in the lot. He went to Roy and shoved a small leather square into his hand. "I took what I could get; you can pay me back later."

Riza understood immediately. "We don't need to take your money, sir."

"You're taking it and that's an order." The man smiled at her and pushed his glasses up his nose again with his third finger. "Good luck, Hawkeye."

She took his outstretched hand and shook it vigorously. "Thank you for everything, Lieutenant Colonel."

Roy yelped in surprise when Maes threw an arm around his shoulders and squeezed. "Gracia and I are putting off the wedding until this whole apocalypse blows over, Roy, so study hard," Maes said in a low voice and then laughed. "And be easy on your lieutenant; she works like a dog to keep you safe as it is."

Roy frowned at him as his best friend stepped away. "You shouldn't make Gracia suffer because of me and my mistakes." He'd taken a liking to Maes' fiance when they'd visited him in the hospital during his recovery period; she was a good match for his best friend and it was obvious how much they loved each other. They shouldn't wait.

"Nonsense; it wouldn't be much of a wedding without you two," Maes insisted happily.

Riza hated to be the one to break up the party, but every second they spent out in the open like this was a moment too long. She looked apologetically to the men, but her voice was hard and business-like. "We need to go, Colonel."

"Right," Roy murmured. "I'll see you, Maes."

The lieutenant colonel winked. "Sooner than later, I hope. Keep out of trouble, Mustang. Hawkeye will shoot you in the foot if you do anything stupid." He nodded once more at the pair before jumping back into the car and pulling out of the parking lot.

Riza knew that when this was all over, she owed Maes Hughes big time for everything; her trust in the man had increased exponentially over these past two weeks and she was exceptionally grateful to him. It would be hard to repay him, but she'd figure it out eventually. Reaching up, she tucked Roy's scarf around his mouth and mussed his hair so it hid even more of his face.

"Please keep your head down, sir," she said, as she removed her own clip and let her hair fall in waves over her shoulders, flipping the collar of her coat up.

"Roy," he muttered into his scarf.

She nodded and threaded her arm though his, not trusting him to not wander off since he probably didn't remember what a train station could be like. People bumped against them, but Riza plowed forward, dragging Roy with her as if none of them were there in the first place. She bought two tickets at the counter for the next train. It was leaving in five minutes.

When both of them were seated, Riza pulled the blinds down over the window and had Roy sit closest to the wall. There was no telling if they'd been seen or not, but it was going to be about a five hour ride until their next stop and then they'd have to switch trains again. Maes had been generous with the money in the wallet he gave Roy; it was going to get them exactly where they needed to go. Which was very far away from Central.

Once the train started to move, Riza relaxed slightly away from her commanding officer, who was silent. She guessed he was stewing in his thoughts; she did have a lot of answers for him and he only had to ask. This particular train car was mostly deserted with maybe one or two other people sitting at least three or four booths ahead of them.

She sat back against the seat and rested her head, feeling the beginnings of a headache coming on. At least Roy was safe for now.

Speaking of, he pulled the scarf away from his mouth and looked at her curiously, his eyes sparkling a bit in the dimming light of the train car. "Tell me, are our lives always this exciting?"

Remembering everything they'd been through from their childhood filled with scraped knees to the military academy to Ishval and to the present day, she couldn't help but laugh. "Only when we aren't doing paperwork, sir."

"None of that," he said disapprovingly, though her laugh made him smile. "I told you to call me Roy; if I'm supposed to be hiding from some psychotic witch then it will do us no good to pay me military respects."

She knew he was right, and realized that there was no way around it. "Yes, you're right. Roy." His name tasted strange on her tongue; the few times it had ever slipped out, her guard had been down and his peppermint smell and warmth had drugged her into a hazy, unfiltered state. Right now, she was completely aware of her surroundings but hearing her voice speak his name brought the fluttery feeling back into her stomach. Those memories of the rare occasions she said it were enough to ignite her whole body on fire.

She scolded herself immediately; they were retreating from Central because of his vulnerable state. Now was definitely not the time to remember those particular nights.

He smiled at her suddenly, brilliantly, and her stomach flopped again. "Good."

Thankfully, she was able to keep the heat out of her cheeks and smiled back levelly. He made it so hard not to smile, even when the world was falling apart around her.

::::

The train rattled under them. Riza was so accustomed to quietude in her apartment while she slept that it was difficult for her to drift off, even knowing that this second train they were on wouldn't be stopping until at least dawn. After Ishval, even the slightest noise that pierced through her sleep awoke her immediately; she knew she wouldn't be getting much rest tonight.

Roy, on the other hand, seemed to be just as much himself now as he'd ever been. His head was resting against the wall of the car - their tickets couldn't afford a sleeper car - and his mouth was parted slightly as he breathed in deeply while he slept. This part of him didn't change either; she'd always been incredulous of his ability to fall asleep anywhere at any given time.

After boarding this second train, Roy had finally brought back the topic of Flame Alchemy, and she'd answered in whispered tones. He hadn't spoken a word to her after she finished and she knew he was beyond frustrated from the bunching of his shoulders, the line of his lips, and the crease in his forehead. It was good to see him sleeping now; all of this stress over his memories couldn't be good for him.

The train shuddered particularly hard underneath them and Roy's eyes fluttered open, looking alarmed. Riza placed a hand on his knee and smiled at him through the tepid light in the room, hoping her unspoken comfort would ground him.

He frowned and rubbed at his eyes. "Why aren't you sleeping?" he asked, his voice throaty from disuse.

She removed her hand and shrugged. "Too much noise."

The frown on his face deepened. "But we'll be spending tomorrow night on a train too," he said, recalling how they deducted just how far the money Maes lent would take them. "You need to sleep, Riza."

Her heart jumped to her throat, just like it did every time he used her first name. "You need it more than I do," she said softly, shaking her head. Honestly, the pain in her ribs was starting to flare up too; sitting too long on these uncomfortable benches were taking it's toll on her and her torso ached.

Roy stared at her for a moment, remembering what Maes had said about working the lieutenant like a dog, and decided that he had to be obstinate in this one thing. He still didn't know why she was important to him, but she was and he had to take care of her. "Come here," he said, opening his arms slightly.

Riza's mind spun as she tried to figure out what he was doing; how could he stand sitting this close to someone who had reacted too late to have saved him the pain of losing his memories anyway? How could he want her even closer than this? That was what he was implying, right? "Excuse me, sir?"

"Roy," he whispered, his hands reaching for her. "My name is Roy."

He gently swept her into his arms and she abruptly found her head resting near his collarbone, far enough away from any other scrapes that were bandaged beneath his clothes. The position allowed her ribcage to stretch in a new way that relieved the aching, almost wrangling a sigh out of her mouth. She held back, of course, afraid to enjoy this when she knew that Roy wasn't himself.

"What are you doing?" she asked softly as he adjusted beneath her so that his back was resting against the wall of the car and she was practically sprawled out completely along the booth.

"Trying to get comfortable," he replied. "I'm not hurting you, am I?"

"No, but you'd be more comfortable if I wasn't lying on you," she insisted, still confused as to what was going on. This wasn't like Roy at all, not really. The few times they'd ever been intimate like this had happened among tangled sheets in those blissful moments before they realized what they'd done was a punishable contradiction against state laws. Dangerous. The urgency to leave after the realization had hit was immediate and crippling.

"I highly doubt that," he mumbled. She jumped when fingers began to tuck material in around her face, dulling the sounds of the rickety train speeding down the tracks into nothing more than an uneven hum.

"What-"

"It's my scarf," he said and she could only hear because his mouth was suddenly close to her face, his chin resting against her eyebrow. "I don't know much, but I do know that you need sleep. Please try to get some for me." Something draped across her back and he pulled it tight against the both of them - his coat. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and continued to let his head rest on hers.

Riza was still confused, but his body heat pushed through her own clothes and engulfed her. She could smell him in his scarf and her eyes fluttered closed because she thought that she'd lost this with him. These stolen moments that should not exist. Her hand that was resting on his chest fisted in his shirt. He had to have blamed her for what happened to him - the glare on his face when she'd explained his Flame Alchemy had said that much - but this delicate kindness for her own well-being reminded her of the many times he put her injuries before his. This was Roy, and she deserved to have him forget her after failing him, but it was nice to know that even this part of him remained under the confusion.

"Thank you," she murmured, trying to push away the guilt and the voices that told her to put distance between them because she was no good.

"No need," he replied softly. "Now sleep."

She wondered if that would even be possible because her mind seemed unable to quiet down, but when she took a deep breath and relaxed her muscles it was only a matter of a few minutes before she was unconscious.

::::

It was another day of uncomfortable benches and burning questions before Roy and Riza reached the last possible stop they could go on the money Maes had given them. Riza had answered most of Roy's questions and while he still didn't remember them happening, her explanations sounded right. There was still on pressing question he wanted to ask her - after all, it was the only logical thing he could contemplate where she was concerned - but a part of him was hesitant to ask it. Besides, his frustration was at an all time high, and he was being snappish and bitter.

As they left the small train station, Riza didn't blame him. She kept her cool demeanor on and stayed as levelheaded as she could; he had every single right to be upset with her. In fact, she expected him to be. This was her fault, after all. All her fault.

The snow was thinner here than it had been back in Central, so Riza deducted that they were probably somewhere in the East, close to the desert. Still, the wind was bitterly cold and she fluffed her dirty hair around her face, shoving her hands as deeply into her pockets as they could go. What she wouldn't give for a hot bath right now.

Roy stepped up next to her as they studied a map of the area hanging on the wall of the station. He had his scarf up by his ears, his alchemy gloves on as he traced the railroad line they'd just ridden. Riza was glad she had kept a pair in her own jacket; and just as she'd suspected, they were far enough East that the desert was a mere day-long walk from this tiny town.

"The East, huh?" Roy said gruffly over the howl of the wind. She looked up at him and saw that his nose and the apples of his cheeks were red from the cold. "Why is it I feel sick thinking about being out here?" He looked sidelong at her and raised an eyebrow.

Her stomach churned and she understood what he meant by feeling sick because she felt it too. Only she knew why. "I'll tell you when we find a place to get warm," she told him sincerely.

She heard him inhale deeply, trying to keep his frustration at bay. A part of her wished that he wouldn't; that he'd let go and yell at her for what she did. She shook her head. This wasn't the time or place to be thinking about such things. It was cold out and she had to get him somewhere safe.

He looked past her shoulder toward the town - a good mile away from where they stood. "It's too far to walk anywhere in this wind," he told her, his voice still rough.

She nodded and headed for the station door; there would be bathrooms and a small waiting room where the ticket booth was. They'd just have to wait in here until the wind died down. Roy followed her and both groaned when they saw that the benches there were just as wooden and uncomfortable as the ones on the train. The ticket master was snoozing gently in his chair and Riza closed the door softly behind her so as not to wake him up.

Even though they were out of the wind, the stagnant cold of the place was just as potent and unbearable. The ice began to seep through her jacket, even as they stood next to the wood stove, the embers inside dwindling into nothing but ash. Roy and Riza stood there quietly, both absorbed in their own thoughts. She knew that he was angry after learning everything, even if his face was expressionless. Shudders shook her body and she wrapped her arms around herself.

"Something is troubling you," Roy said suddenly, the rough material of his gloves brushing against her cheek.

She looked at him in surprise, glad that her cheeks were already red so he couldn't see how she blushed at the unexpected physical contact.

"I don't know how I know," he continued, seeing her shock. "You are the perfect picture of calm and yet I know you're upset." He unbuttoned his coat and opened it before bringing her in against his chest. Her chin bumped his shoulder as he took her arms and brought them around his back, under his jacket. "And you're cold."

She shivered but this one wasn't from the cold. His proximity was messing with her head, and it was because of this that her mouth opened and words tumbled out without filter. "How can you stand to be near me?" Her voice was all curiosity and a raw sort of pain she tried to cover.

His eyebrows furrowed as he wrapped his arms back around her and held her as close as he could without hurting either one of their injuries. "What do you mean?"

Her eyes darted to his chin, which was eyelevel with her and she stared, straining to control her voice as his warmth sank into her. "I'm the reason you don't remember anything," she told him softly, her voice cold and full of self-hate. It was better than the wobbling emotion she expected. "It's because I failed you as a bodyguard to keep you safe. I'm glad you don't remember anything about me. It's only right."

"Riza." He said her name so sternly that she looked up to see that his eyes were stormy and drilling straight into hers. "That is all straight bullshit. You weren't the one to make that damn ceiling crush me, were you? I was the idiot that ran in without your back up, wasn't I? Don't blame yourself for what happened to me; that's utterly absurd."

"You don't blame me?"

"Of course not!"

She paused, feeling the shock on her face.

He sighed and a smirk ticked at the corner of his mouth. "I know I've been an ass for the last day or so, but it's not because of you, Riza, I swear it. I'm angry at myself because I know all these things and yet I don't remember them. I blame myself for being so weak minded as to forget my own life. Not you. I could never blame you." He reached up and brushed some of her bangs from her eyes. "How could I? We obviously have some sort of history but even despite that, you haven't left my side once. Not even when I piss and moan about like a baby."

Riza couldn't wipe the surprise from her face. He really didn't blame her? "I would never leave your side." She paused for a moment, but no, this was the right time to say it. "Roy."

He grinned at hearing his name. "You're learning."

She sighed and ran a hand down his back in a comforting gesture, leaning in to press her forehead against his neck. "I'm so sorry this had to happen to you," she whispered. "If there was one thing I could do right now, I would trade places with you."

She listened to his heartbeat for a moment. "I'm glad that can't happen," he told her shortly. "But do you know what I would do, if I could do anything right now?"

"What's that?" she asked. She knew that he was mostly hugging her to him for the shared warmth, but that didn't mean that she wasn't enjoying it. And even though he didn't blame her, she was incredulous and wondered how on earth it could be possible.

He pulled his head slightly away from hers and she tilted back her head, questions in her eyes. She opened her mouth to ask him, but his lips abruptly pressed to her lower one awkwardly. Her face went up in flames, but she remembered this and even if Roy didn't remember, his body did. Her hands pressed into his back and her eyes slid shut as he kissed her unexpectedly.

Standing wrapped up together was almost like the first time this had happened in Roy's apartment after work. Riza had brought over his wallet when he'd left it sitting at the edge of his desk and as soon as he had opened the door, she'd known that she was in trouble. His hair had been damp from his recent shower, his shirt stretching across his broad chest and his pants resting low on his hips.

Just like then, Roy's hand twisted into her hair and held her there so that she couldn't pull her mouth away. The fact that the train station was too cold suddenly seemed absurd because she was on fire as he boldly slid his tongue over her lips and opened his mouth against hers. Heat pooled in the deepest places of her body as she just as boldly glued her hips against his, allowing her tongue to touch his in return. This wasn't something that should be happening, but as strong willed as Riza was, her resistance to Roy was minimal especially when she wanted this just as bad.

He groaned and pulled his mouth away to stare at her. "Damn it, Riza."

She blushed. "Did I do something wrong?"

He laughed breathlessly and left a chain of kisses from her chin to her mouth. "Don't be stupid," he smiled against her. "We've done this before, right?"

Her body itched to be tangled with his as she kissed him back. "Yes."

"We were dating?"

"No," she whispered as his lips glided along her jaw. "They were accidents."

"So you regret them?"

"Not once."

"I don't either," he murmured as he reached her ear and kissed the rim of it. She shuddered against him, smiling even though there should be little to smile about in this situation. It was inevitable; she loved this man and would always love him. Maybe she should feel disgusted with herself for taking advantage of Roy since he couldn't remember, but she comforted with the fact that he took the first step.

She laughed softly when he nuzzled her neck, ignoring the pain that shot up her side from making the sound.

Both of them froze and whipped their heads toward the man in the corner when he cleared his throat and spoke. "Can I help you two?"

Riza's face went up in fire from embarrassment, but Roy seemed to take it in stride. Just like he'd always been able to do. "Thank you, but we're just waiting for the wind to die down before heading into town."

The man laughed and nodded. "It is a cold one today. You're welcome to stay as long as you need. Strange time of year for a honeymoon."

Riza couldn't hold back the gasp of surprise as her blush darkened and she involuntarily pulled away from Roy with the shock. "Oh, no, sir - "

"Actually," Roy said smoothly with a snide grin at her, "we are celebrating our anniversary."

The man smiled at them. "I see. I hope the weather permits you to see the caves."

Riza's mind raced, but she was able to piece together that this small town had a cave that provided tourists. She was glad that Roy had said what he'd said, even if it was a surprise, but it made sense. If they were to hide their true identities until he could regain his alchemical knowledge, then maybe they needed to charade a relationship. She wasn't going to argue with it, at least, even if it would break her heart when things went back to normal.

"Me too," she said meekly.

The man apologized for the temperature of the room and restocked the oven. Heat blazed up in the room and it was both a relief and a disappointment because she didn't have an excuse to be close to Roy again. They sat on one of the benches and a smile threatened her face when he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

The two of them made conversation with the man for a few hours; he told them the best lodgings in town and when Riza asked, even supplied the location of the nearest library. It wasn't a far walk from the hotel he suggested.

When night fell, the wind was quieter. Roy and Riza bid farewell to the kind man and thanked him for his company and information. He nodded at the couple and then they left, following the road into town, arms entwined.

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**Yay! I'm really trying to pump out these chapters so I finish it, but that also means I'm making mistakes. If you see anything that sounds weird or doesn't fit, i would love you if you told me! Also, i'm trying really hard to keep Roy and Riza in character, but I don't know if I'm doing a good job so any help keeping them in line would be nice too.**

**Other than that, I cherish your reviews, so be sure to leave me a line! Thank you so much for reading!**


	7. Remember When

**Chapter 6 for your reading pleasure! I must warn you that this is where the story switches to M and I hope you don't hate me too much for what I'm doing to poor Roy and Riza. Thoughts will be superly duperly appreciated!**

** Disclaimer: I do NOT own FMA jsyk**

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**Chapter 6:**

**Remember When**

Her lips were so familiar and her face hypnotized him far beyond any other beautiful thing that could hope to claim his attention. Roy watched as Riza slowly unwound his scarf from around her face and slid her arms from the coat sleeves, casting the wet jacket over the back of a three-legged chair. It was such a strange sensation for him to be near her - she was so damn familiar but for the life of him, he couldn't remember her.

He wished he could; he had a feeling that remembering her would be masochistic like ripping his own fingernails off with pliers but that would be worth it. Whatever they'd been through in the past - everything they'd been through, as a matter of fact - was pivotal and he could feel it in the air like static before a lightning storm. She was so important and he would recall his lost memories to remember why if it was the absolute last thing he ever did.

Riza turned, her hips swaying a bit to the side, making her unreasonably sexy in that frumpy turtleneck sweater. "Are you hungry? I can go down to the kitchen and get you something to eat." She looked at him with her reserved caramel eyes and he sighed as he sat down on the bed - the only bed in the tiny room of this inexpensive bed and breakfast home.

"Food isn't really on my mind," Roy said, finding his eyes drawn to the curve of her hips, hidden beneath that baggy shirt. He'd held her earlier, but he hadn't let his hands wander over the fullness of her hips and now all he could think about was doing just that. Had he ever done it before, back before the accident that took his memories? Maybe so; she'd told him that they'd kissed before and her hips were so perfectly there for leverage. He would have been a fool not to touch them for all they were worth, to not have gripped them with his fingers and fit her body snugly against his.

"Alright," Riza responded, pursing her lips into a thin line. Roy looked up at her and saw the expression, his eyes drawn to those lips she was licking absentmindedly as she leaned against the wall. The chill from the air outside still flushed her face and her lips looked more red than they normally did from the quick flick of her tongue and the cold. How many times had he tasted those lips and couldn't remember? "Is there anything you want to talk about?"

Her voice pierced through the tension in the air, getting lost in translation on the way to Roy's brain. His body was full of an energy that buzzed through him, drawing him tight as a string, making a muscle twitch. "I don't want to talk," he replied unable to curb the force of his gaze as he stared at her.

He thought he saw her cheeks darken in color from across the room. "What is it you want to do then, sir?"

Roy rose from the bed, sure that he could hear the sound of her heart thumping madly in her chest. Was she thinking the same things as him? What was going through her mind; what memories were flashing through her at this moment? He wanted to know everything about her, to become a part of her and find out what makes her tick. If she liked coffee or tea better. If she double-knotted her shoelaces or cried when she thought no one would hear. If she ever sang under her breath. What kind of books she read. What she dreamt about or if she ever smiled for no reason at all.

If she ever thought about him. If she _always_ thought about him. If she wanted to peel off his clothes and touch his skin as much as he wanted to her. What kind of noises she would make when his chapped hands skimmed over her exposed flesh. If she would bite her lip and arch her back into him. If she would finally say his first name without reservations.

Riza backed into the wall as he approached her slowly, her heart crawling up her throat. The look in his eye was hypnotizing and she felt a wonderful kind of sick to her stomach full of flutters and twists and heat. She felt her mind spinning as she tried to comprehend what brought on this expression that told her he wanted _her _for dinner. Her knees were beginning to turn to jelly under her, but she couldn't let him do this. If he touched her, she was a goner and she knew that Roy wasn't himself. It would be so wrong of her to indulge in this night safe from the eyes of the prying military. She couldn't let him do something he'd regret later when he remembered.

His hands pressed to the wall on either side of her elbows and slowly drifted down to her hips, where his fingers barely brushed against the bulky fabric over them. She felt her breath catch in her throat and pushed his hands away.

"Don't touch me, Colonel." She tried to sound firm, but most of the sentence was a whisper that stuck in her throat and scratched itself into incoherent pieces on the way out.

Roy looked up at her and deliberately reached for her hips. This time, he took them firmly in his grip and squeezed. Heat raced through her from the sudden gesture and settled in the pit of her stomach. She swallowed thickly, unable to break the gaze.

"Tell me to stop and I will," he said. Remembrance rushed through her; he's said that before. Every time; he always gives her the choice. Roy had never forced himself at her. It had always been a mutual decision, a mutual mistake. How much different was he really, if he was still giving her the choice and treating her like his equal?

Silence stretched between them and all she could do was stare. She had a perfectly good reason for warding him off just a minute ago but she suddenly couldn't remember what it was. All she could think about were his fingers pressing into her hips, holding her tightly, and remember those nights they'd pretended the fraternization laws weren't in effect, how roughly he'd clung to her. Like he was a starving man and she was the only sustenance that could save his life.

He leaned forward, still gripping her hips, and pressed his forehead soundly against hers, their breaths mingling. "I have an idea," he said, his voice sultry and heavy. Riza shuddered at the raw passion in his voice and had to curl her hands into fists to keep from pulling his body down against hers.

"What's that?" she asked, her soft voice suddenly steady and strong. Funny; she didn't feel either one of those things.

"I have to regain my memories," he replied. "And I've decided I want to start with you."

"In the light of your Flame Alchemy, I'm hardly important," she said simply as his nose brushed along hers.

"Wrong," he mumbled, pressing his lips to the corner of her lips. "You're the epitome of importance." He moved his lips to fit over hers, squeezing her lips at the same time. She wanted to resist and push away, but she couldn't. She wasn't allowed to have him like this and being away from the eyes of the military plus his firm and unyielding mouth was a trigger. She kissed him back.

Her response was like opening a flood gate. Roy's mouth was no longer gentle against hers like it had been back at the train station; he kissed her so hard that if she hadn't felt so dizzy she might have wondered if her lips would be bruised tomorrow. His hands flexed on her hips, one holding tight, while the other rubbed, inching under the thick fabric of her turtleneck.

She moaned when he suddenly used his body weight to pin her to the wall, aligning her body with every curve and indentation of his own. Heat was coursing through her now, travelling lower and lower with every passing second, heightening when his wandering hand finally found the skin of her side. Her mouth came away from his in a wild gasp and her thoughts rattled in her head. She placed her hands on his chest and tried to urge him to stop as she attempted to gather herself, but really, it was no use as he kissed her desperately.

"Colonel - _euh_ - we shouldn't - _oh!_ - do this - _umf_."

"Hmm."

"_Oh!_ I ju - _uuunf_ - think this is a bad - _euh_!"

"Mm-hmm."

"Si - _ummf."_

"Hmm."

"I - _ohhh_ - I dont - _mmf_ -"

Roy leaned away from her face briefly to stare her in the eyes, still keeping the line of his body melded with hers. "Hawkeye."

Her chest heaved and her hands involuntarily fisted around his shirt. He needed to stop, yes, because this was against the law; it was wrong, it was a mistake. What was burning between them wasn't proper in the slightest and she knew that. But damn it if she was screaming on the inside to keep going. "Yes?"

"Shut up."

She arched her body into his as he kissed her again, his hand traveling up her side slowly like a trickling faucet, but firm like the heavy weight of a quilt. Her skin began to itch uncontrollably, desperately and she wrapped her arms around his back to pull him as tight to her as she could. Her head spun; she thought about the last time this had happened on a nearly daily basis, but experiencing it again was like the first time had never occurred. She clawed at the sweater he was wearing, crushing her lips against his because he wanted her and she wanted him.

Her chest swelled and she gasped when he bit her bottom lip with too much force, slipping his tongue inside. Roy let his hand wander up her side, pressing and skimming, feeling his excitement and his desire grow the closer he got to his goal. A moan escaped him when she pulled his sweater so that he was even tighter against her, angling her head more severely to allow his tongue better access.

The hand that wasn't up her shirt curled around the small of her back, pressing her hips into him. Riza groaned as she felt just how excited he was, her own blood boiling and slipping through every crevice of her body down to where she began to ache desperately.

"Roy," she whispered when she broke away from him and began to kiss his jaw, working her way slowly down his neck. "I'm" - she kissed the corner of his jaw - "so" - his neck - "sorry" - his pulse point.

He groaned as she tentatively licked along the line of his tendon. "Why in the hell are you apologizing?"

He seemed to like the tongue, so kissed him hard on his neck and sucked a little. Riza knew that she never would have done this had she been with anyone else; but this was Roy, no matter his state of mind, and his hard, muscled body was driving her crazy. She wanted to kiss him everywhere-wanted to show him how she felt since she couldn't tell him.

"Because," she muttered as she clutched him tighter and both groaned when they shifted against one another. "Because you're my superior and I have no self-control."

"I'm not superior to you," he told her firmly, pressing his forehead to hers as their hips rubbed slightly against each other. A delicious, infections heat was rearing up in her and her legs trembled as he held her tightly against the wall. "You are my equal in every possible way, Riza."

She flushed and her eyes slid closed as her heart swelled, her arms snaking up his back to hook over his shoulders and pull his torso just as close to her as his lower half was. "You know what I mean."

"As do you," he murmured and leaned in to capture her lips again. Heat burned through her, burned her everywhere and she couldn't do this anymore. He was wearing too many clothes and she was much too hot. In one swift motion, Riza caught the hem of his shirt in her hand and pulled it hastily up over his head, aching and sighing as she leaned in and kissed his chest fervently while she gripped the sturdy muscles of his arms.

"You're a fool," she whispered, her lips skimming as he pressed her back into the wall, securing her there with his hips, his hard length pressed precariously close to where she was desperate for him. She gasped a little as he rolled against her and her knees gave out, making her thankful that the wall was there for leverage.

"Ah, but I am your fool," he grinned at her and reached for her shirt. "This has got to go."

"You sure you want to do this?" she wheezed breathlessly as he yanked the fabric over her head and threw it down next to his sweater.

Roy pressed his chest down onto hers and kissed her hard, rocking his hips once against hers, making heat shooting through her and making her moan against his lips. "What do you think?"

"Good," she muttered against his mouth.

Moments later, they had both wriggled out of their pants and Roy was cupping Riza's breasts over her bra, rubbing and caressing them slowly as he teased her mouth with languid kisses. She had her hands tangled in his hair, and whatever she did from this point forward was out of her control. Her body was driven crazy with lust and the slow motion of his hands on her heaving chest only made her more desperate and wriggly.

"Is it - " Roy panted as he kissed down her neck and toward her chest; one hand continued its agonizing treatment on one breast, while the other began to trail slowly down her stomach, making her whimper, "- always like this?"

"Yes," Riza breathed as his hand got lower. "_Oh_, yes."

"Damn," he murmured, squeezing her. His fingers ghosted around the line of her underwear as he pulled his hips away. He nestled his forehead right in between her breasts and watched his own hand as it trailed over the hem of the panties that cut across the leg joint. Riza could feel her breath coming in wildly and she did the only thing she could think to do, which was gripping his hair in her fists.

"You're killing me, Mustang," she growled as he touched the inside of her thy, but ignored the place where she really wanted him. He surprised her by swiftly dragging her underwear down to her knees, which wobbled and shook under her. His hand ran along her lower stomach again and she writhed.

"Let's do this properly," he said, straightening away from her before wrapping his arms around her waist and forcing his lips down on hers. Somehow, her bra was discarded and forgotten. Their mouths opened together immediately and Riza groaned as the bulge in Roy's boxers pressed close to her center while he walked her backwards and tumbled onto the bed with her, kicking her underwear off. She bit down on his lip as he began to pull away and he automatically moaned and rocked his hips against her violently, making her cry out in surprise.

"Roy, for God's sake, stop teasing and touch me already," she snapped uncharacteristically. Her mouth was running away with her but she had no filter, not when she was shamelessly quieting her cries of pleasure as he slowly kissed down her chin. . .lips and tongue through the valley of her breasts. . .along the flat line of her stomach. . .the rim of her belly-button. . .

He took his hands and forced her legs wider apart and she whimpered as his thumbs stroked dangerously close to her center over and over again, painfully teasing. She moaned and writhed, gripping the bedspread violently.

"You keep saying my name," he smiled against her stomach, kissing his way back up to her lips.

"We're breaking all the rules," she murmured as he kissed her, one hand still gliding at the inside of her leg, inching closer and closer, while the other wandered up her side and under to her back, wandering up higher than it had been at any point in the evening. "What's one more?"

He chuckled against her mouth and then pulled away from her abruptly, almost all contact leaving her body as he sat up. She opened her eyes and looked up at him, surprised when she saw that his own eyes were wide and his eyebrows furrowed in with concern. "What happened to your back?"

Her stomach dropped as she lay there panting and naked, suddenly cold as the lust for him was sapped away by the memories that flashed before her eyes. How stupid could she be, forgetting about the ugly marking on her back? Roy knew nothing of the tattoo because she hadn't told him, and even now thinking of informing him that the scars were his doing made her feel sick. She scrambled for a blanket and pulled it over her body, suddenly feeling overwhelming self-conscious and idiotic. Her mind had gotten too carried away; how foolish of her to let it get this far.

"It happened a long time ago now, Roy," she said sternly as she clutched the sheets against her chest and sat up, scooting away from him. "It's nothing anymore."

His face twisted into disbelief. "Nothing? I felt it with my own hands, Riza, that wasn't nothing. Tell me what happened this minute. You're hindering my progress in regaining my memories by keeping it from me."

She winced because she knew that he was right, but it didn't make it any easier to tell him what he'd done. "I need to take a shower."

He frowned, his eyes growing stormy. "Riza. . ."

"I need to think things through," she reiterated, pulling the sheet across her back so that he couldn't see it when she stood. He hadn't seen it yet; the damage felt bad enough, but what would he say when she saw the tattoo? The scars? "I'll go get us something to eat from the kitchen while you clean up. And then I'll tell you." She leaned toward him and brushed her hand along his face. Usually, she was the one pulling away, but if he reacted anywhere near how he had done so when he had actually flick the flames onto her back, then he was going to need her reassurance. She asked for it, for him to mar her and she had to make sure he understood that she didn't blame him and cherished his willingness to abide by her wishes.

Roy met her eyes for a long moment and she kissed him softly.

"I'll be right out," she breathed after pulling away. His eyes bore into her as she quickly made her way to the little side bathroom. After locking the door behind her, she let the sheet drop from her back, unable to look at her own face in the mirror as she started the water and stepped under the spray.

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Their dinner was still steaming when Roy emerged from the bathroom, damp and clean. Riza wordlessly handed him his plate and they sat cross-legged on the bed facing each other while they ate in silence. She had nearly worked out how she wanted to start, but the moment he'd reappeared before her, all words were lost. Guilt and despair tangled up inside of her because she didn't know how to break this information to him without watching him blame himself.

He finished before her, and set his plate on the floor, remaining more quiet than she thought he'd ever been. It terrified her because even though she'd been with him for over half her life, she couldn't fathom what must be going on in his head right now so she ate slowly to give herself more time.

She was almost finished when he broke the silence irritably. "Are going to discuss this tonight or should I come back sometime next week?"

Riza set her plate down next to his. "Do you remember what you said when we got off the train today? About the East?"

He glared at her, clearly not understanding where she was going with this. "I said it makes me feel sick. Why?"

She looked down at her lap as flashes of tanned skin and red eyes and blood and fire burst into vibrant color before her eyes. "We have a lot of memories out here."

His glare lessened slightly. "We do?"

If there was anything she could do to prevent him from knowing about the things he'd done in the Ishval War, she'd do it in a heartbeat. But those memories were a part of him, good or bad, and he needed to know. She paused only for a moment before launching into the story, doing her best to be quick and painless about it. Watching his face as he soaked in the information was torture and by the time she was done describing the entire event, he looked haunted and disturbed. Full of self-hatred.

"I did those things," he muttered to himself. "Damn it, I'm a murderer."

"We all are, Roy," Riza promised him softly, taking his hand and holding it tightly in both of hers. "It was a horrible war."

He looked up at her with some difficulty. "What does any of this have to do with what I felt on your back?"

Riza took a deep breath and slowly unfolded herself, standing next to the bed as she began to unbutton her shirt. Words failed her; there was nothing she could say in this moment that would change what was going to go through his mind initially. She steeled herself as she turned around and began to let the fabric slip from her shoulders.

"When you left after your alchemy training to go find work, I was sixteen. My father knew that he was dying so he did the only thing he could think of to forever preserve his research on flame alchemy."

The shirt fell from her back and landed on the floor. She hugged her chest and hunched her shoulders, squeezing her eyes shut. "After the Ishvallan War ended, I told myself it was my fault so many people were killed. Not only was I sniping them, but I equipped you with something so deadly. It didn't matter that you didn't want to kill people, but it did matter that I'd given you the tools you needed to create such mass destruction and cause the death of so many people. I hated myself.

"What I really wanted to do was end my life and take away the secrets of flame alchemy from the world, but the only reason I joined the military in the first place kept me from doing that. I needed to persevere in order to provide protection and so I couldn't die. So I did the only other thing I could think of. I asked you to take it off my back."

She heard the sharp whistle as he sucked in air between his teeth and then there were fingers tracing over the ugly, twisted skin on her back. "This is my fault, then. I did this to you."

"No," she whispered, feeling the tears well up in her eyes. She refused to let them fall. "No, Roy, you can't afford to think that way. I asked you to do this to me and I would have suffered even worse mental afflictions if you hadn't done it. I wake up and I'm grateful to you every single day for putting these scars on my back. You've freed me and now I'm more than just a tool." Her shoulders shook as his hands left her back and his silence scared her more than anything.

She bent down and quickly donned her shirt again, turning around when it was buttoned to face his wide-eyed horrified stare.

"What kind of man was I?" he asked hollowly, his eyes torn and desperate as he took her in.

Riza went to him and sat very close, hurting because he hurt. "A wonderful man. You did the things you needed to do, regardless if they were against popular opinion. You did the things that were right. You were determined and strong and faithful. You believed in your men. You loved this country and you'd do anything to protect it, even if that meant killing yourself."

"I killed innocent people, Riza. I burned the skin off your back!"

"You were forced to kill, and I asked you to get rid of the tattoo." She reached out and placed her hand against his neck, forcing him to look at her. "You're over-confident and proud, but you care. You know the right things to say. You're a wonderful man, Roy Mustang. I wouldn't have devoted my life to you if I hadn't believed in that."

He stared at her blankly for a moment before his arms were suddenly around her and his face was buried at the crook of her neck. She spent the rest of the night sitting there, holding him and running her fingers through his hair, her hands smoothing up and down his back. His face never once left her neck and his arms squeezed around her curves.

Her heart squeezed; she hated seeing him in pain. She was supposed to protect him from getting hurt, not inflict the agony upon him. Maybe it would be easier when morning came and time had passed.

Or maybe that was nothing but a childish dream. When was anything ever easy for them?


	8. Christmas Eve

**Hey look a perfectly crappy chapter asdljlkasjdf i know they don't celebrate christmas but i wanted them to so suck it besides mehhh idk about this one you guys will have to tell me.**

**Disclaimer: FMA is not mine at all **

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**Chapter 7:**

**Christmas Eve**

After that night, Roy barely allowed himself to touch Riza. He was afraid that if he was granted the leisure and privilege of holding her, then the reality of his touch would completely incinerate her. Leaving him with nothing but the ashes of his actions and the iron weight of grief on his heart. It was better to deny his desperate need to feel her substance than to risk the chance of losing her.

Riza predicted all of this and refused to let him pull away from her. Just because he wouldn't reach out to her didn't mean that she'd let him retreat into some dark corner of his mind where the solid realization of his past was there to press into him. It was new and strange to be able to show him affection, but no one knew where they were and so she allowed herself to do what she thought necessary to warm away the chill in Roy's eyes. The tender brush of a hand, the soft whisper of a kiss, the reliable stability of a hug.

It wasn't easy to be around him, either. He was vehement and full of self-loathing, just as he had been after the war itself. She watched as his clothes grew looser on him, as the bags beneath his eyes deepened, as his fiery soul dissipated into nothing more than a limp and pathetic mockery of what it had once been. Riza could feel herself giving into the fear that he would never recover his memories; that he was lost to himself forever and that was worse to her than any truth she'd ever learned. She couldn't lose him; he was the only constant she had left, the one thing she could depend on without fail.

So for a month following the night he saw her tattoo anew for the first time since losing his past, Riza threw Roy into relearning. They spent long hours holed up in the local library, reading everything that they could possibly find that had anything to do with Roy's past. She ordered alchemy books to be sent in, flashing Roy's pocket watch when she was denied clearance for such research. After that, she was met with an apology and the books were ordered, shipped in, and given to Roy by the bundle.

He read fast, soaking in all the information that was hurled at him. It was the best way to forget about what kind of man he was, and so he willingly allowed Riza to submerge him in texts and stories of all kind. But at the end of the day, the knowledge of his past actions crushed him again, to the point where it was getting difficult to even look at the woman he was certain he loved, the woman he'd forever damaged. He ate what she pushed at him for her sake but it went down without tasting; the only thing he could do to redeem himself was regain his memories and prove to Riza that he was as good a man as she said he was.

It was a month and a half after Roy's withdraw into himself that he was able to perform alchemy again - the regular kind.

Riza shut their bedroom door behind her and leaned against it with a sigh. The woman who owned the bed and breakfast had agreed to let her and Roy stay as long as they needed if Riza would do some housekeeping. It was a small price to pay, and it kept her busy while Roy studied. She took deep breaths as she leaned there against the door. He would be home in an hour, when the library would be closing.

The bathroom door opened, startling her. Roy walked out, a towel slung low on his hips, hair damp and plastered to his forehead, the dry tendrils curling outward. Her face flushed slightly as he turned his eyes to hers, showcasing his surprise.

"I didn't think you'd be done so early," he commented after a moment of silence.

She struggled to keep her eyes on his. "Well, tomorrow is Christmas; they didn't want to overwork me."

He stepped over to the drawers that held his clothes and Riza turned her back just before he let the towel slip to the floor. "Christmas," he murmured gently.

She nodded though he wasn't looking at her. "Yes." Most of her Christmases in the past several years were spent with days alone at her house in front of the fireplace, and then around dinner time she'd put on a pretty dress and make her way over to Roy's apartment, where the rest of the men from the office were there. Gifts were exchanged and alcohol was passed around. Maes Hughes would show up much later with Gracia in tow and then the party would fall into full swing. They were beautiful memories and Riza was sad that this year would be different; she missed the boys from the office and she missed her work, but most of all, she missed the way things used to be.

"I. . .I have a surprise for you," Roy said, bringing her back to earth.

She turned around seeing him fully dressed and smiled genuinely at him. "You didn't have to do that, Roy." But she had something for him too. Equivalent exchange.

"It's an apology." He met her eyes across the distance he put between them and hoped she would understand.

Of course she did; she was Riza Hawkeye and they'd been together long enough. "There's nothing to apologize for."

"There's everything to apologize for," he said with a bit of heat.

She stared at him and then sighed. "It's almost Christmas; can we not argue about this today?"

He kept her gaze for a moment longer before dropping his eyes to the ground. "You're right."

A frown pulled at her lips and she walked forward, reaching for him. "It's about dinner time; why don't we get something to eat?" She touched his face gently, probing his eyes up to look at her. His hands were kept firmly by his sides, clenched into tight fists. He wouldn't let himself touch her, even if he wanted to take her into the circle of his arms and never let her go.

He wasn't hungry, but eating would make her happy and Roy knew that if anyone deserved happiness, it was her. "Alright."

The inn was packed full of vacationers, even despite the small insignificant size of the town, and the dining hall was bustling with chatter when Roy and Riza arrived to take a seat. Since it was the holiday season, a waitress arrived at the small alcove seat by the chilly window that the two of them had managed to find. She smiled brightly at them and took their order before bouncing off to the kitchen.

"That's all you're going to eat?" Riza said quietly as she avoided Roy's eyes and unfolded the green linen and spread it across her lap.

"I don't have much of an appetite today," he murmured, folding his hands together and pressing them against his mouth as he leaned forward on the table.

"I didn't know you had such a limited vocabulary, sir, seeing as how you use that excuse at every mealtime." She looked up at his repressed demeanor and masked her anger well; she understood the turmoil he was in but that didn't mean it didn't frustrate her.

He began to glare at her, still hiding his mouth with his entwined hands. "Why should I eat if I'm not hungry?"

"Because it will keep your strength up." She sighed and dropped her head to look down at the table. "You can be such an idiot man, Colonel."

His face hardened and he leaned toward her over the small table top. "I'm trying my best here, Hawkeye."

"You study hard, but as soon as you put down the books you mope about like someone kicked your dog and I'm sick of seeing you so sad!"

"No, I mope about like someone murdered thousands and burned the skin off the back of someone I care for deeply," he hissed, slamming his fists on the table. "And it's ten times worse because that someone is_ me_."

"Roy," she sighed, reaching across the table to cover both of her fists with her hands. Her eyes looked up into his and she prayed that he could read the eagerness to fix him, that he could understand his respects had been more than paid. "You've been calloused to these deeds for several years now. You've saved more lives than you've taken, and you've allowed me the one thing I've always ever wanted. Please stop agonizing over things that can't be changed."

His eyes pleaded back at her and she could feel her heartbreaking because she didn't know what else she could do to help him. "What exactly is it that I allowed you? I find it hard to believe anything can make up for what I did to your back."

Riza squeezed his hands firmly. "Firstly, how many times do I have to remind you that I wanted this? When will you get it through your thick skull that I wanted it off? And secondly, you've allowed me to be close to you, to let me protect your dream and your goal. Roy, you don't remember my father much besides what I told you, and you've given me more reason to smile than he ever did. You've given me reason to keep breathing." She searched his unreadable eyes, hoping that he would understand everything she had said and even the things she couldn't.

His eyes darted down to her hands gripping his closed fists and then looked back up at her in wonder. "I don't. . .Riza. . .I."

She loosened her hands and ran them softly up to his wrists, cupping them, stroking his skin lightly with her fingers. "You don't have the right to tell me what to think or how to feel," she told him gently, watching his face without a trace of doubt in herself. She knew that she was right, knew that she had to make Roy understand before he destroyed himself with depression and misery.

"I'm no good," he promised quietly, staring at her hands as she caressed his wrists.

"You may be a fool sometimes, but there isn't one tiny seed of doubt in me that you are bad. You're every bit of good this world needs. You're the best part about me." She smiled as he looked up at her in shock and her heart ached and her mind spun because it was too easy to say these things to him when they'd been out of uniform for nearly a month and a half now. It was dangerous, but she loved this feeling. Like she was shining, burning, in only colors he could see.

He couldn't remember her, sure, but didn't he know? Surely he knew in some deep part of himself, that her life was about him. Her every breath, every blink of an eye, every "yes, sir", every sip of tea, every bite of food; it was his. Wasn't it obvious? He'd given her a reason to believe in life while trapped in the hellhole of her father's home. When he left to join the military, she was empty again and it was only later when she attended the academy that she regained purpose. Because she was fighting for his dream. For his life. For his goals in creating a better future. She was going to be a means of getting there for him if it took every last pitiful cell in her strong-willed body.

The waitress flounced over with their plates of food amidst Roy's speechlessness and Riza withdrew her arms from him quickly, thanking the girl and diving into her food. She hadn't worked a full day like usual, but her stomach was growling and she was ravenous. It pleased her that Roy picked up his fork and skewered the steaming slice of ham before she even had time to prod him about eating.

They dined with silence between them as chatter filled up the rest of the room. Tiny, blinking lights wrapped around the fir tree in the corner and along the top of the walls giving the room a holiday atmosphere that encouraged a lightness that hadn't existed between the two of them for a long time. Roy stared at Riza when he finished his meal, but she didn't think too much of it; she'd gotten used to it since he was accustomed to doing it constantly. Staring at her like she was the secret of life most of the time, but other times - like now - he was gazing at her with soft eyes. Eyes that wondered at something precious and important and essential. She couldn't help but blush as she pushed her plate away.

"You ate all your food," she said pleasantly, smiling a little bit at him. "Thank you."

He waited a moment and she could read the hesitation in the lilt of his shoulders, the set of his jaw, but then he spoke. "If you say what you truly believe," he said haltingly. "That I'm. . .the best part of someone like you. . .then I need to be the best that I can be." He took her hand from the table and brought it to his lips pressing her fingers there as his eyes slid shut. "If the fuzzy, sporadic flashes of memories I'm beginning to recall are anything to abide by, then without you I am just a foolish man with a dream of changing a world too big for myself. You are the woman who puts it into action, who drives me forward."

She was blushing furiously as his eyes peeled back open. "It's my job."

"No, it's your choice. You chose this, that's what you keep saying." He turned her hand over and kissed her palm, making a ghosting pattern of tingles run up her arm unexpectedly. "You chose me. You've always chosen me. And goddamn it if I don't revel in that miracle in of itself every single minute of my life."

She stared at him. "Just how much do you remember?" He'd told her over the past week that he was starting to get glimpses, like there was a block in his mind, thick and impenetrable, and he was beginning to wear away the edges. She didn't understand the wall-like way it caged him in his own mind; it sounded to her like the part of him that was conscious was trapped in himself and his memories were being corralled on the other side of the block. And did that happen because of getting knocked in the head, or did something else happen to him?

He shook his head. "It's sketchy. Sometimes I see something and forget; but I do know that every memory I've seen so far has you and/or Maes in it."

Riza looked down and tried not to blush again but he said things like that and she couldn't help it. "I see."

For the first time in a long time, a genuine smile pulled at his lips and he brushed them against her knuckles before intertwining his hand through hers and dropping their clutched hands to the table. "I have a present for you, remember?"

She looked at him with a wary smile as he pulled her from the table and slid through the crowded room hanging tightly to her hand. Riza followed him easily because that's what she'd always done. He yanked her up the stairs and once they were in their room, he was tossing her coat at her.

"Roy, what -"

"I told you that I have a present for you," he said as he slipped into his jacket, throwing her a smile she wasn't expecting, excitement in his eyes. It was the most life she'd seen there in his face for nearly a month.

She donned her coat and twirled her scarf around her neck as Roy pulled his gloves on and then he was taking her hand again and pulling her out the door. Her mind raced as he led her outside, where the wind was gentle and the night warm for winter. He must have been really excited to show her whatever it is he has for her, and she was happy that she'd been able to talk him into seeing reason enough at dinner that the crease between his eyebrows was just a bit shallower.

"Where are we going?" Riza asked as they trampled through the wet snow. The town lights glistened against all the white, making the world sparkle; it was a lovely night for a walk, even if her feet were starting to get soaked in her boots.

"To the caves," Roy said after a brief pause. He tightened his hand around hers and shot her a nervous smile. "I've been going out there to study some days while you work at the inn. It's quiet and no one bothers me because of the weather. Besides, it's only about a mile walk from the library."

They reached the library and he guided her into the darkness, through a path of already beaten down snow. She remembered vaguely that when they'd first arrived at the train station, the ticket master had assumed they were honeymooners here to see the caves. "Roy, you shouldn't be going alone to someplace so far away from town," she told him with a frown. "That's too dangerous and too cold. I don't want you getting sick."

He chuckled a little bit, which also gave her a jolt of surprise. When was the last time she'd actually heard him laugh? "You've never stopped being my babysitter, have you? Just now. . .you used to tell me stuff like that at the office all the time, didn't you? Yeah. I remember that. Havoc thought it was funny as hell; little bastard, giggling behind his hand." His laughs faded and he turned a smile on her that gleamed in the moonlight. "You should worry more about yourself, Riza. I can take care of myself."

She frowned at him. "Worrying about you is my job."

He raised an eyebrow, but his voice was teasing. "Is that all I am to you? A job?"

"Don't be ridiculous," she snapped with a little heat. "I've been tangled up in sheets with you four times now, Roy Mustang. If you were just a job to me, that wouldn't have happened." Even if the last time he'd found her scars and withdrew from her immediately, leaving their passionate business unfinished. They were still dramatically intimate with each other that night, and she blushed when she remembered it.

Roy released her hand only to wrap his arm around her shoulders and pull her into him, bringing them both to a standstill about halfway to the caves. "If it means anything," he said with sudden seriousness as he cupped her face in his gloved hands, "I care about you, too. You know that right? That whatever happened between us before I lost my memory was real; I wasn't just using you because you were my subordinate and you were there."

She smiled at him. "Yes," she whispered. "I know that."

He smiled back and pressed his forehead down to hers. "Good."

"How do you know it was real, though?"

"Because the minute I opened my eyes in my hospital bed and I saw you there, I knew you without remembering you." His nose brushed hers, their cheeks flushed with the cold. "And if I hadn't cared about you at all, I wouldn't have had that feeling in the slightest. But with you. . .you are so familiar to me and at the same time I'm still trying to understand you. That's how I know."

She tilted her head so that her top lip was pressed against his, a wide smile across her face. "Well, if it's any consolation, you're still a smooth talker. That hasn't changed."

"Good, I was afraid I'd lost my touch with the ladies."

"Shut up."

"Yes, ma'am."

She kissed him, snaking her arms around his waist as he locked his own hands behind her back. He hadn't kissed her in a long time - not since the night he saw her scars - and even though they shared the same bed every night, a cold gap had made the distance between them feel like miles rather than inches. She reveled in this, having Roy back now that he was finally understanding and accepting his past, kissing him when no one else was looking. He was warm and lean against her, even if he had lost weight. Her lips parted for another smile as he continued to kiss her.

"Don't you have something for me?" she asked breathlessly, words muffled as he assaulted her mouth. A thrill shot through her when he slid his tongue expertly across her lips.

"Yes," he groaned, barely pulling away to speak before kissing her with even more force. "My god, Riza, you're so damned. . ."

She laughed against his mouth, his tongue curling into hers unexpectedly. "So damned what?"

"Kissable," he growled, angling his head so he could get better access to that delectable mouth of hers. She gasped as his sudden eagerness before moaning into his mouth and drawing her body close to his. Sweat was starting to cling to the back of her neck and dotted around her hairline; he made her feel like she was burning to a crisp with just one look. When he touched her, they burned together, inevitably and uncontrollably.

"This is getting out of hand," she muttered as he pressed his lips over her chin, her cheeks, lingered on her jaw. "Roy."

"You're right," he replied, before nosing his way down into her scarf at her throat. She shrieked as the tip of his nose - cold as the night itself - brushed against her neck and she pushed him away with a laugh.

"Don't do that." She tightened her scarf around her throat.

He grinned and wrapped an arm back around her waist. "Sorry. Don't be a stranger." She smiled as he pressed one last kiss right between her eyes and then he continued to lead her down the path.

The caves weren't what Riza quite expected. From what she'd read in books, they were dark, damp, stagnant things that bred dangerous animals and teased daredevils of archeologists. These caves were bright because the moonlight danced in through the gaping mouth and lit the crystals that glittered against the walls. The cavern opened deeply into the ground, sloping lower and lower, the sounds of rushing water muttering in the distance.

Roy's eyes focused on her as she looked around in wonderment, taking her moonlit figure in as the crystals dazzled her. How did he get so lucky with her? He didn't know why she would spend her life following someone like him through all the things they'd suffered, but he was glad for it. Who would he be without her?

"It's beautiful," she murmured, finally turning to look at him.

"It pales in comparison," he said slickly, with a crooked smirk.

She tilted her hips and crossed her arms over her chest, looking downright adorable bundled up in her coat and scarf. "Very smooth."

He shrugged and reached into his coat pocket, fingering the piece of chalk there. "I speak truth."

Her eyes rolled toward the ceiling, but he could tell she was flattered. "You're biased."

"So what if I am? It's still true." His hand slipped from his pocket and he held up the chalk. She looked on with wide eyes as he crouched to the floor and began scratching a transmutation circle into the stone. He placed his hands on the ground and the blue light surged all around and the air was open. Roy could feel his breaths and taste the truth that singed the space around him before all of it was sucked away and he was left with his creation.

Smiling, he stood, the small ring pinched between his fingers. "We've been together a long time," he murmured softly, staring at her moonlit face. She was so beautiful, even with the pale white-washing of the light, that he could feel his heart breaking.

"You can do alchemy again," she said as she gazed at the ring. It was silver, embedded with some of the crystals that glittered around them. He took her ice block of a hand and slid the jewelry onto her finger, still warm from the transmutation. A perfect fit.

"Just the basics," he replied before kissing the ring. "This is my promise to you, Riza. That I'll remember."

He saw a range of emotions flash across her face and he wanted more than anything to crawl inside and understand them but that was impossible. "Roy," she whispered, "you don't have to promise me anything."

"But I want to." He leaned closer to her, his eyes burning. "I want to promise you so much more, but being in the military, I don't want to make anything I can't keep. Riza, I want to protect you for the rest of my life, and keep you by my side for far longer than that but I can't promise it."

She stared at him incredulously. "Did you just propose to me, sir?"

It was a good thing his cheeks were already bitterly cold and rosy, otherwise she would have been able to see the nervous blush there. "Offhandedly."

He yelped in surprise when she threw her arms around him and held on tightly, burying her face against his scarf. "I won't ever leave you," she mumbled.

His arms squeezed her back and he let his face press against her hair. "I'm counting on that. Merry Christmas, Riza."

She sighed against him. "Merry Christmas. My present is lame compared to yours."

Roy chuckled and buried his face in closer to her ear, his hot breath warming her skin. "I'm sure it's not."

Riza's face was rosy as she pulled away, but her eyes sparkled with a bit of mischief and he couldn't help but kiss those lips, licking them before he pressed his own down onto hers. She fisted his jacket in her hands and ducked her head away from him with a groan, laughing under her breath. He rested his temple against hers.

"Let's go back to the room," she said.


	9. The Phone Call

**A/N: I know; it's been a while! I try to write for you guys, but it's hard when I don't have motivation. Reading your reviews always helps me get back on track and I thank you for them so much 3 This chapter kind of sucks but ehh I think the next chapter will pick up the action. We've only got a few more before the story wraps up so thanks for sticking with me!**

**Hearing your thoughts would be lovely**

**Disclaimer: FMA does not belong to me; I belong to FMA.**

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**Chapter 8**

**The Phone Call**

Maes Hughes was a naturally restless man, but he wasn't accustomed to patience and his driving need to know more was also driving him insane. Roy and Riza had barely been fixed up at all when he saw them off at the train station, and it had been nearly a month since. So much had happened, things that they didn't know about. Things _he_ probably shouldn't know about.

Getting the information to both of them was on his list of priorities, right under worshipping the ground his fiancee walked on, and the more time that passed, the more anxious he became. Whoever was after Roy certainly was getting far too inquisitive around Central and while Maes was glad that his friend was cleared out of the way, there was no point in denying how wretchedly nervous he was.

He stared down at the three page letter, tapping his pen habitually against the desk. It would be tricky to find the safest way to get this letter out of Central but that wasn't even the biggest problem. He didn't know where the two of them even were, if they were safely in hiding or if something had happened. They could both be dead and he wouldn't know.

"Maes, dear?"

His hand stopped flicking the pen against the wood and he sighed as two delicate hands came to rest on top of his shoulders.

"You've been tapping away for a good hour now," her voice came softly, sweetly, as she wrapped her arms around his neck gently and pressed the side of her face against his. "What could possibly have you so riled up on Christmas Eve?"

He relaxed against her - funny, he hadn't realized how tense he'd been - and reached up to slide his glasses back up his nose. "It's nothing," he told her with too much enthusiasm. "I'm just thinking about how you're going to react when you open your presents tomorrow!"

She pulled away from him before coming around to sit on his lap, frowning. He could feel his mask disintegrating with every passing moment and before he knew it, the anxiety had him by the shoulders and he removed his glasses and placed them carefully on the desk. His fingers found the bridge of his nose and he rubbed it, repressing a heavy sigh.

"You can talk to me, Maes. I'm here for you; that's part of the bargain I signed up for when you proposed. You do realize that, right?" Gracia's voice was soft and comforting and it was one of the things he loved about her. She knew he was troubled without him having to say it, and understood why he'd needed to be alone when he asked for space. He knew he was the luckiest man on earth, but sometimes, when she looked at him with this concern and affection in her eyes, it struck him exactly _how_ lucky he was.

"The party starts in an hour," he replied with a sort of sad smile that she instantly understood.

"I miss them too," she told him, reaching up to run her hand through his thick, black hair. "It won't be much of a party, will it?"

He leaned forward and rested his head in the crook of her neck, taking deep breaths. Her arms wrapped around him, her fingers continuing to comb through his hair slowly as she rested her cheek against him.

"Hawkeye knows how to take care of herself and Roy perfectly well," he murmured. "There is no one better suited to protect him, but whoever it was that hospitalized Roy took him out with no effort at all. And Riza would have died if she'd had her way." His arms went around her and held her close to him. "I have information they need, Gracia, and no way of getting it to them."

"I'm sure you'll figure something out," she said, laughing slightly as her voice turned nostalgic as if she was fondly remembering something. "It isn't in your nature to give up."

He smiled against her at the sound of her laughter, wondering if her memory had anything to do with the way he badgered her for a week straight before she agreed to a first date. "No, I suppose it isn't."

She sighed softly. "If you, out of all people, can't find out where they are, then I am about two hundred percent sure they are as safe as it gets." Gently, she pulled him away from her and smiled sweetly at him. "It's like you said; Lieutenant Hawkeye knows what she's doing, even if Roy doesn't. You shouldn't worry yourself this much over something that is out of reach. I don't want you to give up, but I do want you to be a little less harsh on yourself. Everything happens for a reason."

He reeled her back in against his chest and pressed his mouth in between her eyes. "Who would I be without you?"

She laughed and let her hand touch his face. "You'd be reckless. That's for sure."

"Well," he said after a moment's pause, feeling more light-hearted than before, "I suppose it's time to get downstairs and watch the door. You know how punctual some of the boys like to be."

Her laughter resounded in her chest again as he stood and swept her into his arms, taking a hold so that they were suddenly dancing toward the door and down the hallway in a waltz.

"And by punctual, you mean terribly late, don't you?"

As he spun her, he pressed his lips against hers briskly. "Of course. Plus, I smell cookies."

"I made snickerdoodles."

"You're the best in the whole wide world."

"You make it easy."

::::::::::::::::

The entire walk back to their room, Riza felt as if the weight had been lifted from her chest and instead placed on her finger where the ring circled it snugly. The heat of Roy's body melted away any of the chill left over from his conscious distance from the last month and the fluttering in her stomach made her very much aware that she would carry through with her intentions despite the tremor of fear that she would be denied.

There were no words that had to be spoken at this moment, as they trudged through the snow and up the front steps of the inn. They only leaned into each other, the space of commanding officer and subordinate rubbed away by the intimacy shared. The kitchen was quiet as they passed the dining hall; all of the people staying at the inn were either back in their rooms or out and about on the street of shops just down the road.

"Thank you," Riza said once he'd shut the door of their room behind them. The fact that he turned the lock was not lost on her, and the click of it securing the door seemed to thunder across the silence in the space. Her voice held such warmth and meaning that his heart thumped unevenly. The things he'd said earlier hadn't come out as planned, but he didn't regret them, and nothing could override the pleasure he felt at her approval.

Roy smiled slightly and began to unbutton his coat, throwing it over the back of the single chair in the room. "No, thank _you,_ Riza."

She averted her eyes and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as the other hand worked at her own buttons. "I'm just doing my job, Colonel," she said with a slight tease, sliding out of the jacket.

"None of that," he murmured, grinning now as he stepped close to her and took the scarf wrapped around her neck in his hands so he could pull her against him. The coat fell to the floor as he pressed his lips against hers, holding her captive there for a few dreamlike moments before she parted from him.

"So I shouldn't do my job?" She was definitely teasing him now, her eyes glittering in the lamp light, even if there was no smirk on her face.

He slowly unwound the scarf from around her neck. "Depends. What does this job of yours entail?"

_He's actually flirting with me._ While he'd always been full of many witty, flirtatious comebacks, most of them had been buried beneath layers of implications, so far down that even Riza had a hard time deciphering what he was really saying until it was too late to reply in the same manner. With his flouncy words so bare to her, she couldn't help but smile as the flutter in her stomach strengthened.

"Well, it doesn't include this," she smiled slightly, innocently, as she placed her hands at his waist and slowly skimmed them up to his shoulders. "Or this." She cupped the back of his head and pulled him toward her. "And it definitely doesn't include this." Her lips covered the smirk on his face and he grunted against her mouth at the abrupt roughness in her kiss.

He began to respond with just as much force when she pulled away and turned, picking up her jacket and making her way across the room to hang it up. "Those things are certainly not in my job description, sir."

He blinked after her before his eyebrows drew in and he smirked again, crossing his arms across his chest as she leaned against the wall and smiled back at him with just as much meaning. "I don't think I like this job of yours."

"You weren't saying that when I saved that ass of yours."

"You like my ass."

"And _you_ are jumping to conclusions."

His smirk softened as he walked toward her and placed his hands on either side of her. The wall cooled the heat in his hands but her proximity managed to keep the fire going steady inside him. "You like me."

She looked up at him as he leaned down, their bangs brushing together, mingling blonde and black strands of hair. "Entirely too much."

His forehead pressed against hers and she brought her hands up so that they were resting on his shoulder blades, pushing against them as if she needed to feel that he was really here. Sometimes, being with him felt so surreal she was afraid she'd wake up in the hospital and he'd still have a tube in his arm. But after all they'd been through, he was here, lean and strong and Roy, just as much as he'd been before the accident that took his memories.

"Riza," he said softly after several moments of comfortable silence, standing as they were, "will you tell me what Christmases back in Central were usually like?"

She smiled up at him as her mind flashed through all of those times with tinsel and off key singing, mostly surrounded by the men she spent every day with in the office. But Christmas had been different; had been special.

"Well, just about now, you'd be meeting me in the lobby with that stupid Christmas sweater I got you years ago," she began thoughtfully, remembering that childhood Christmas when he opened the box and found that sweater. It made her smile softly before she continued, glancing away from the power of eyes with a stuttered breath, as if staring into them too long was sucking the air right out of her. "We'd take your car to Maes' home, and we'd listen to the music on the radio."

"Sounds peaceful," he commented quietly. She felt his hand touch her neck gingerly, his thumb stroking against her skin.

"Once we got there," she continued, her throat feeling thick as his scent began to clog her nose, that smell of Roy and peppermint, "Maes and Havoc would start you in on the alcohol before we even crossed the threshold. Gracia and I were the only two women usually there, with the occasional girlfriend if one of the boys got lucky." She swallowed and looked down as it hit her suddenly just how much she missed them and they would never know because she didn't know how to say it out loud.

"And then?" he prodded, sounding wistful.

"Sometimes we'd exchange presents," she murmured and she couldn't help it as the emotion welled in her, the longing and the sadness consuming her as she understood how much she missed it. "And they'd tease you about that sweater, but you wore it anyways. We'd eat a feast and drink wine and laugh, but we already knew almost everything about each other because we were a family."

"And then."

"And then you'd get drunk right along with the other boys and I'd drive you back home and take off that stupid sweater and make sure you got into bed all right."

"And then."

"Sometimes you asked me to stay."

"And then."

"And then I would."

He became quiet then before he chuckled and his hand stiffened against her neck. "Was there ever a time when you actually refused me anything? You're entirely too selfless, Riza."

She frowned at him and looked up to meet his eyes. "I am not selfless, Roy."

His hands cupped her face and their noses touched. "You have given up everything for me."

It was her turn to laugh, clutching at him to keep her upright against the wall as she did. He looked on in confusion and she was wiping tears from her cheeks before she grinned up at him and took his face in her hands also. "You egotistic man. How are you so sure that I wasn't doing all those things for _my_ sake?" She laughed again. "That I wasn't . . .joining the military so that I could protect you was the most selfish thing I've ever done."

He chuckled, unable to resist her contagious smile. "If you say so."

She paused and then wound her arms back around his neck, her expression softening with her voice. "Actually I take that back. _This_ is the most selfish thing I've ever done." Her lips pressed up against his with surprising gentleness and his arms encircled her, drawing her closer than the wall was capable of.

He didn't understand this affect she had on him, he barely understood himself. Was it natural to feel so consumed by a separate being, someone that existed outside of yourself? Or was that just it? Was it that Riza wasn't existing outside of him at all? Maybe it didn't matter at all. As long as they'd been together, all the stories she'd recounted of their time spent made it clearer and clearer that he was where he needed to be. That although he missed knowing all the secrets of himself before the accident, missed the boys at the office and Maes Hughes, _she_ was home.

His lips seemed made to fit against hers exactly, and when she pulled away to simply hug him close, her head was like a perfect puzzle piece in the crook of his neck.

"Roy, I have your present for you, but we can't be long because it's dangerous as it is." She sighed and drew away from him. "You know we're going to have to relocate soon, anyway." Now that he'd learned the basics of alchemy and could do transmutation again, it would be best to move elsewhere to restudy Flame Alchemy because she knew he could uncover it again. And the sinking pit in her stomach told her she knew exactly where they'd have to go. But she wouldn't think about that yet.

It was Christmas, and she was already happy, wearing that transmuted ring. No need to spoil the mood.

"I realize that," he agreed as his arms squeezed her, "but let's not talk about that now. That stuff is boring and stressful and I don't want to think about it."

She laughed, her chin shuddering against his shoulder. "Aren't you whiny."

"I'm not being whiny, I'm being sensible. Doubly so since there is a woman in my arms who almost smells like me." He nudged her head, kissing her ear.

Riza pressed her lips once against his neck and then pulled away. "Right then," she said, stepping from his arms and grabbing the receiver sitting on the desk. A smile curved at her mouth and she knew without making excuses that both of them needed this. "Merry Christmas, Roy. My present isn't like what you gave me, and I'm sorry, but how does a phone call to Central sound?"

::::

The party was in full swing in the Hughes' household, though the festivities were much less joyful than usual. The alcohol was out, but cups were still half full; the music was playing, but no one was singing along. Chatter among the partygoers was more subdued. Everything had changed for them when Roy Mustang lost his memories, and Lieutenant Hawkeye had to take him somewhere safely to recover them.

It almost went without saying not to talk about them for their own benefit, but after dinner had been served and Major Alex Armstrong was taking care of the dishes, it seemed Jean Havoc couldn't hold it back anymore.

"What do you suppose the chief and Hawkeye are doing right now?" he said lazily, as if the entire matter meant nothing to him.

Maes Hughes shrugged nonchalantly as the rest of the men in the room mumbled incoherent responses.

"I hate that they had to run away," Havoc continued, the syrup in his voice getting thicker and hardening. "We should have been able to protect the Colonel."

"Don't go blaming yourself," Breda piped up with a raised eyebrow. "No one had a clue what was going on and Hawkeye did what she had to in order to keep him safe. You know how she prioritizes."

"Yeah but I feel useless," Havoc muttered. He slumped down in his chair and lolled his head over the back of it, squeezing his eyes shut as the other men who worked in Mustang's office murmured their agreement.

The phone rang distantly in the other room and Gracia excused herself to answer it. Maes leaned forward and rubbed at his head. "Some party, huh, boys?" It wasn't even that Mustang and Hawkeye were absent; it was that they had no idea if they were alive, if they were safe, if something had happened. There was no way to tell. If Maes just had reassurance that they were still breathing, it would be easier.

He'd known Roy since the Academy days and the mere thought of his friend not existing anymore, especially after letting Maes know of his goal, was hard to imagine. Roy Mustang was too goddamn stubborn to die, right? He had to be fine, especially with Riza as his bodyguard.

This stress, coupled with work, was not sitting well on his shoulders.

Gracia ran into the room, her face a mixture of delight and shock. "Maes, dear, there's someone on the line who wants to speak with you."

He groaned and leaned back in his chair reluctantly. "It's Christmas, Gracia. Can't you tell them I'm unavailable?"

She shook her head as a smile split widely across her face. "Trust me, honey, you're going to want to take this call."


End file.
